While much has changed in families, much remains same

The ideal family is usually composed of a father, a mother & kids. Here’s a sort of light-hearted compilation regarding that necessary congregation:

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with freckles, spent the day at the zoo; there lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by an artist, decorating them with images of animals. A girl in line said to the little fellow, “You’ve got too many freckles, no place to paint.” Embarrassed, the little guy backed away. His grandmother knelt down next to him and said, “I love your freckles; they’re beautiful”

“Really?”

“Of course; name me just one thing that’s prettier than freckles.”

The boy thought for a moment, then softly whispered, “Wrinkles.”

•••

At Sunday School, the teacher asked what the last of the Ten Commandments was. Proudly, Susan raised her hand, stood tall, and recited, “Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor’s wife.”

•••

A second grader came home from school and said to his mother, “Guess what; we learned how to make babies today.” Nervously, the mother asked, “And how do you make babies?” “Oh, it’s simple.

You just change the ‘Y’ to ‘I’ and add ‘es.'”

•••

A little boy in church for the first time noticed an usher passing around the offering plate. As he drew near, the boy cried out, “Don’t pay for me, Daddy. I’m under 5.”

•••

Ten things you’ll never hear a father say:

1. Well, how about that – I’m lost!”

2. You know, son, now that you’re 15 you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Have fun.

3. I noticed that all your friends have daring, hostile attitudes. I like that.

4. Here’s a credit card and the keys to the car. Go crazy!

5. You want to play football? How about figure skating instead?

6. Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might like to throw a party.

7. Something wrong with your car? Well, just have it towed to a mechanic and I’ll pay whatever he asks.

8. No son of mine is going to live without an earring; let’s go and buy one.

9. Why get a job? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

10. What do I want for my birthday? Aahh, don’t worry about it; it’s no big deal.

•••

An English professor wrote on the board: “A woman without her man is nothing” and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

•••

A very wise wife once said, “The best way for your husband to remember your anniversary is to marry him on his birthday.”

•••

And to sum all this up would be for a 70-year-old grandfather trying to explain why there is always a generation gap:

You wonder what it was like when I grew up? Well, I was born before penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, computers, contact lenses, Frisbees and the Pill.

There were no credit cards, laser beams, computers, drones, cell phones or ball-point pens.

We had not yet invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers – and the clothes were hung to dry in the fresh air – and space travel was only in Flash Gordon books.

You might be surprised to know that your grandmother and I got married first – and then lived together.

The term “making out” explained how you did on a school exam.

Every family had both a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called older women “Ma’am” and always called policemen and older men “Sir.”

We thought fast food was eating half a biscuit while running to catch the school bus.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your relatives.

We listened to the radio as a family pastime – Big Bands, serials, Jack Benny, dramas from Hollywood.

We had 5-and-10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for those prices. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on public transportation, and a pop – all a nickel.

“Grass” was mowed, “coke” was a cold drink, “pot” was used to cook in.

We were taught to think of others first, and ourselves second.

We were before computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Bible, good judgement, and common sense – were taught to know the difference between right and wrong, and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. And we were the last generation to believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

COMMENTS