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Length of yiffy still up for grabs/Woods, water & worse

Woods, water & worse

March 4, 2011
The Daily Mining Gazette

"If the email response from last week's column was any indication, then we're doing our yobs," WW&W wildlife correspondent Paris Hiltunen said enthusiastically. "You asked the seemingly innocent-enough question, "How long is a Yiffy?" and everybody and their brother had an answer," she giggled. "Some were hilarious, some serious, some said they'd drill down with me and my Yiffy ice drill in a yiffy, and some were just plain too romantic for publication. They're still coming in over the transom."

Forgive me for running the wrong website for Jiffy last week, go to jiffyonice.com and you'll find out what Paris is so pumped about. Being such an ice fishinista and design fashionista, she likes that Yiffy yellow and looks good in it.

Some of the best answers to the question, "How long is a Yiffy?" so far are:

"As long as you want it to be."

"From the toppa the engine cover to the tippa the drill bit."

"Long enough to get the yob done, it drills through a foota ice in a heartbeat."

"Depends how much you like each other."

Keep those cards and email letters coming in and you could win a Yiffy.

WW&W fundamentalist religion correspondent Al Postolic was popular too, drawing some pretty heavy fire for his good-natured, God-humored blasphemy about going ice fishing with the Christian Brothers being more fun than church.

"Not just fun but therapeutic," Al discerned, "When it comes to easing life's burdens and laying down that heavy load, it gives you a glow and makes you feel nice and warm inside. That's an important difference," he stressed, "have you ever tried their CB Honey? It's even sweeter."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," agreed WW&W senior religion correspondent Amazing Grace. "It doesn't make sense," she added, scratching her head, "but 'twas always thus and they're too rigid for reform. God knows they'll evolve eventually, but until then, I'm leaving more tips on bars than I am in their collection plate."

"Amen and amen to that or my name isn't Yimmy Yunttila," I doubled down. I'm peaking now; I can't get much more Christian than that, but I still have room for more Christian Brothers.

I must admit, I'm a big fan of that girl and have had a crush on her for years. Whenever I see or hear Amazing Grace, I say "How sweet thou art!" She saved a wretch like me, you know; I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see that I like everything about her; her looks, her touch, her taste, she's got everything I'm looking for in a girl and I'm all hers, I'm all in. They don't call her Amazing for nothing, she's definitely a free spirit. How much more tastefully irreverent can you get?

"That's some almighty tasty and salty satire," Grace applauded. Encores available upon email request.

"Yust a darn minute!" WW&W fundamentalist religion correspondent Les Stadian huffed righteously, "to my way of tinkin' you crossed the line, galloped past irreverent, and right past sacrilegious to out-and-out blasphemy, next stop Hell, he hissed. You know how some people have a drinkin' problem? I've got a tinkin' problem," he confessed, imperiling his soul and risking shunning by asking infidels like the Christian Brothers for forgiveness.

"I'm pretty sure God wants us to enjoy life to the fullest, celebrate and rejoice in our faith," Amazing Grace continued ecumenically, inviting Al and Les to kiss and make up. "He fully expects us to evolve beyond the fundamentals and grow in our personal spirituality," she added inspirationally, "not hold back and get bogged down in dogma and doctrine. I trust and obey, even though God does send a mixed message by remaining constant, never changing Himself," she observed astutely. "I'm more comfortable with evolution and change until He clarifies that."

"With a little more compromise and reform and a little less repression, they could resolve their differences in a yiffy," Grace concluded confidently. In the meantime, the length of a yiffy remains up for grabs.

In other outdoor news, Calumet is going to the dogs tonight with the CopperDog 150 Sled Dog Race downtown with a rockin' street party starting at 5 pm, live music and dancing in the street with the Wingnuts, Recess Bullies and Rain. Fun, food, refreshments and fireworks, copperdog150.org.

Yimmy can be reached in a Yiffy 24/7/365 at jjunttila@chartermi.net.

 
 

 

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