The young male demographic is supposedly the holy grail of television advertising.
I don't feel very powerful, but once again, Nielsen asked me to keep track of my television viewing over the past week.
I'm guessing the only reason that I got to participate again was because I changed my address last year, but now that I'm experienced in the role of everyman, I figure it's time to start making some suggestions of my own.
Of course, sports is my area of expertise, so I won't be pitching any romantic comedies to the powers that be, but here's a few ideas to liven up the summer programming block for the local TV audience:
"All My Conferences" - The web of deception and intrigue in college hockey is dramatized in this hour-long soap opera destined to revive the flagging genre. In the pilot episode, we find that Wayne State has in fact faked the death of its program, gotten plastic surgery and is now known as Niagara. In another parallel storyline, George Gwozdecky seeks revenge on the man who caused his mysterious broken elbow - was it WCHA ref Todd Anderson? They meet at center ice and decide it mano e mano.
"Solo's Duet" - A dating show in which male soccer fans the world over vie for the affections of United States goalkeeper Hope Solo. Woe be to the unsuccessful suitors, who receive a penalty kick of a different kind.
"Are You a Better Hitter Than a Fifth-Grader?" - Some of the most recognizable names in baseball try their luck against a local Little League outfit. Considering that the Little League strike zone is from the armpits to the knees, Ryan Raburn has his work cut out for him.
"The Duffer From Ulster" - We meet Seamus O'Hurlihy, the one golfer in Northern Ireland who isn't good enough to win major championships, and find out the travails of being a 4-handicap in a scratch-golfing world.
"Lockout Wipeout: NBA Edition" - The players and owners take a break from the bargaining table to take on ABC's pratfall-packed game show. The Pistons fight over who gets to traverse the program's infamous "Big Balls" obstacle and end up finishing last, but not before throwing their coach into the water below.
"The Kevin Luke Show" - I've long believed that, with a good back-up band, coach Luke could easily boot Jay Leno out of the 11:30 p.m. time slot. His material, refined in the monthly Cager Club luncheons during the season, is that good. I'm already looking forward to the first episode of 2011-12, particularly stories of his hole-in-one earlier this summer, which has surely grown to about 300 yards by now.
"CSI: Joe Louis Arena" - The procedural drama is apparently on its last legs, but I hope to invigorate it with this offering, in which a cadre of Red Wings fans use their wit and guile to determine in which way the NHL is out to get their team this week.
"ESPNFL" - The Worldwide Leader in Sports celebrates the impending end of the National Football League's labor trouble by creating a new channel that cannot be turned off in which "ROGER GOODELL IS ALWAYS WATCHING YOU." Reviews? Bart Scott: "Can't wait!" Bud Selig: "Double plus un-good."
Let's make this happen. My people will talk to their people. Can't be worse than "The Bachelor."
Brandon Veale can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.