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In the Catbird Seat/Joe Kirkish

Archie the cockroach ponders

December 8, 2011
The Daily Mining Gazette

Hi, Boss: It's me, Archie, back with more philosophical thoughts after listening in on conversations and observing what people do here with winter coming.

You have strange drivers here, Boss. Back in New York, in bad weather people stop driving and take the subway or busses, but here when the snow comes they ignore it, and, oh my, Boss - the fender benders!

Another crazy thing: In winter smokers smoke with the car windows up and drive around in a cloudy haze. I wonder what it smells like inside their cars, Boss. And how do they see?

Smoking must be a terrible addiction, Boss. I see people standing alone outside buildings puffing away, then returning, frozen but, I guess, relieved. I crawled around a filled ash tray once - smelled bad for days. We cockroaches will eat almost anything, but we don't like tobacco in any form. Guess I'll just stick to what Mehitable calls the clean life and stay healthy. Don't people ever learn, Boss?

Speaking of Mehitable, I hear by the grapevine she still hangs out in New York alleys, not far from Wall Street. She says it's the strangest thing: Protestors occupying the park there. Even through bad weather, Boss, and some of them don't even know what they're protesting against! Everybody wants something from someone for some reason, I guess, but no one wants to go home and help with the dishes. Where's the sense in that?

I noticed around here that people don't Occupy; they find more sensible ways to change things - or get on best they can with what they've got. It's a kind of small town attitude, I guess, Boss - knowing the difference between necessities and luxuries. City people could learn from them.

Another thing, Boss, people are friendly here, not like New Yorkers, who even sue family and friends to make a nearly honest buck.

Here, sure, they like money, who doesn't? But they're more charitable with it. With Christmas coming, the radio stations, churches and clubs and your newspaper send calls out to help the needy, and you know what, Boss? Money, toys, food - they're coming in big time.

I feel the spirit of Christmas here, Boss. Wish I could convince Mehitable to join me, but she likes her alleys and her customers. She says all this free sex going on is bad for her business, but she keeps trying to uphold her professional standing among the tomcats, long as she can.

This isn't very important, Boss, but I found out that the price of peanut butter's going up. Seems the peanut crop was disappointing this year so the wholesale price leaped from $450 a ton to nearly $1,200. The rush to hoard is on, Boss, but I still get to lick the leftovers for nothing (you know, Boss, cockroaches aren't much liked by humans, but we should be appreciated for our neatness and cleaning up crumbs and all).

I was thinking the other day, while I was diving onto your computer keys the way I used to on your old Smith Corona back in the Manhattan city office, how much softer this keyboard is. I don't even have to hit so hard with my head anymore. Just want to thank you for it, Boss. Sure, electronic gadgets have their headaches and frustrations and they can be a time wasting nuisance if you let them, but what doesn't have its price?

So now I'm waiting for the holiday spirit to slip past the goofy material things; I wish you and your readers the happiest of the season, Boss - from me, Mehitable and all the other nearly invisible critters who enjoy living among you and who still appreciate the good things we get from all of you and, especially, from You-know-who (Yup, He watches over us tiny critters, too, Boss).

For now, your philosopher friend, Archie

No new movies. Enjoy the holiday by taking part in its explosion of activities. Tis the season.



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