"How do you keep coming up with such worldly, sophisticated, professional correspondents in such an out-of-the-mainstream, traditional, conservative community as ours?" writes a curious reader who wants to know.
That's a darn good question and you caught me at a good time to answer it. I'm fighting off a stubborn head and chest cold with my favorite home remedy, Vitamin CV, as in Vitamin C (ruby red grapefruit juice) and a dollop of vodka to dilute the citric acid, staying home and catching up on the WW&W email bag.
A lotta readers from both sides of the aisle, men and women, Democrats and Republicans, conservatives and liberals, Catholics and Lutherans alike, want to know what the WW&W correspondents are really like, and where the line forms to get a date. I pass the correspondence on to the appropriate correspondent and let them proceed as they see fit, so you never know when you're gonna get lucky.
"Even the most conservative Christian readers are looking for a little excitement in their lives," said WW&W religion correspondent Evan Gelical, who seems liberal compared to WW&W fundamentalist correspondent Al Postolic who claims to have more room for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness than anybody, and has high hopes for Paris Hiltunen to show him the way.
After a career in advertising, marketing and publishing, I am a media maven and political junkie. And if there's one thing I believe, presentation is everything. We set the bar pretty high for correspondents and pretty much follow the Fox News business model and PP&P strategy; professional, perky and pretty. Say what you will about billionaire multi-media mogul Rupert Murdoch, but while most news outlets are content to settle for brains or beauty, he insists upon both, and so do we. Life's too short to make choices.
"They don't call it Fox News for nothing," said WW&W?wildlife correspondent Paris Hiltunen "Megyn Kelly, Shannon Breen, Martha MacCallum, Michelle Malkin, Meteorologist Maria Molina, that's enough Ms to spell Mmmmmmm."
"Heather Nauert, Sarah Palin and Uma Pemmaraju, whom at first glance, I thought was another Finnish girl, Pemmaharju," said WW&W political correspondent Sarah Palinen, "and Bill O'Reilly's culture warriors and lady lawyers Lis Wiehl, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Gretchen Carlson and Margaret Hoover, are the foxiest personalities on basic cable," she added knowingly, "Judge Jeanine Pirro is an attractive, articulate mix of libido and law and they're all as fair and balanced as their boss, Mr. Murdoch."
Everybody knows Paris Hiltunen and Dolly Partanen are fictional Finnish girls who are the liveliest, loveliest caricatures of their namesakes you can ever imagine. I'll take Amazing Grace over HLN's Nancy Grace any day.
In a seamless segue from media wildlife to the great outdoors, I'd be careful about venturing out on the ice after the 40-degree thaw, rain, snow and re-freeze we've had this week. Copper Harbor, Keweenaw Bay and Huron Bay are rated WOW, as in wide open water.
"What ice?" asked Scott Lynum, Indian Country Sports, 524-0615, on the downtown L'Anse Vegas waterfront. "There was a couple inches on Huron Bay last week but it's gone now, inland lakes are still frozen over, but there's bound to be slush and new snow on top."
"There's been a halfway decent northern bite through a foot of ice on Chassell Bay and the Sand Humps," he continued, "but if you'd rather fish some moving water for a change, try the mouth of the Falls River just down from here; the warm water discharge from the power plant keeps the river open from the bridge to the lake; it's a shallow run about four feet deep, and they're catching some nice steelhead on spawnsacks and small No. 2 pink Mepps spinners," he tipped.
I wonder what makes pink such a hot color to fish? Is it the flash of the jewelry that appeals to their predatory and feeding instincts and triggers the bite? Or maybe something in their diet?
Don't forget the Otter Lake Sportsmen's Club Ice Fishing Tournament tomorrow, followed by an awards shindig at the clubhouse in downtown Tapiola, call 334-2795 for info.
Happy Friday the thirteenth.
Jim can be reached 24/7/365 at jjunttila@ chartermi.net.