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Less-timeless TV specials/The Red Line

December 20, 2012
By Brandon Veale - DMG Sports Editor (bveale@mininggazette.com) , The Daily Mining Gazette

"A Charlie Brown Christmas" was on TV Tuesday night. Sorry I didn't tell you in time, but hopefully you caught it the first time it aired on ABC the week after Thanksgiving.

Even if you didn't see it this week, you probably have seen it about 100 times. It's a timeless classic.

The holiday season is full of timeless film and television classics: "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," "Frosty the Snowman," "It's a Wonderful Life," "A Christmas Carol," etc.

However, if you wanted to read about any of these, you would be in today's Happenings section right now. Little did you know, I found some videos in the vault for local sports fans to enjoy with their families:

"How The Grinch Stole Hockey"

A commissioner with a heart two sizes too small decides to squelch all the noisy fun coming from the Whoville hockey rink and replace it with talk of things like hockey-related revenue and make-whole provisions.

An excerpt from the signature musical number: "You're a moron, Mr. Bettman, your brain is full of lice//You're making NBA fans each day you are off the ice, Mr. Bettman! Given the choice between you and a dyspeptic Roger Goodell, I'd choose the dyspeptic Roger Goodell!

"A Tebow Carol"

The Jets' back-up quarterback is visited by a series of ghosts who show him what the Jets season would look like led by the Quarterback of Jetsmas Past, Mark Sanchez, the Quarterback of Jetsmas Present, Greg McElroy, and Tebow himself, the Quarterback of Jetsmas future. All three teams go 6-10.

Also stars Rex Ryan as Not-so-Tiny Tim.

The script needs to be completely retooled, but ESPN has pledged to air it 23 1/2 hours a day, with the other 1/2 hour of programming filled by "Kobe Claus is Coming to Town."

"The No Hope Christmas Special Featuring the Pistons"

Since the NBA won't let them within a country mile of their signature holiday games, the Detroit Pistons host their own Christmas special with an audience of people in a faraway place mostly assigned to be in attendance (the Palace of Auburn Hills), featuring a cavalcade of nobodies and people who were B-listers 10 years ago. The stars of the show will be playing golf in five months.

"The Jim Leyland Yule Log"

For several hours on Christmas Day, a static shot of Tigers manager Jim Leyland smoking. I know I'll be watching.

"Buy Hard"

Tigers general manager Dave Dombrowski must fight through terrorists and other team's executives on Christmas Eve to get another player's signature on a questionable mega-bucks contract. Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Sanchez.

"Miracle on Brush St."

The Detroit Lions are hauled into court on the suspicion that they truly believe they are a playoff team. After bags full of newspaper clippings from losses are brought into the courtroom, even coach Jim Schwartz gives up and writes one poor child, "Yes, Virginia, Spring Training does begin in 59 days."

I'm headed home for Christmas - I'll have to bring some of these videos along. Whether you're going home or just making yourself at home wherever you are, may your 2012 Christmas be a merry one.

Brandon Veale can be reached at bveale@mininggazette.com. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/redveale.

 
 

 

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