Celebrate what we hold dear during holiday season

Over 60

We’ve celebrated a lot of wonderful holidays: St. Paddy’s Day, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving – and now we approach the closing of the year with what has become the most celebrated day of the year for so many religions: Christmas.

Rather than take the obvious route: historical, fictional, etc. – how about looking at it as the day we hold dear as a celebration of what for many of us feel is what life on earth is all about – love, charity, the lead to a happier, longer life elsewhere?

Listen to a child who was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible for a Christmas assignment. Here it is:

“In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord is One,’ but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, He said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did.

“Then God made the world, and he split the Adam and made Eve. They were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. They disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden – not sure what they were driven in because they didn’t have cars yet. They had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Able.

“Pretty soon all the early people died off. One of the next important people was Noah – a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it.

“After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. who had a son named Joseph, who wore a really loud sports coat.

“Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. He led the Israel Lites out of Egypt and away from an evil Pharaoh, when God sent 10 plagues, including frogs, mice, lice, bowels and no cable.

“God fed the Israel Lites every day with manicotti, then gave them His top 10 Commandments, including don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or cover the neighbor’s stuff.

“Oh, yeah, I thought of one more: humor thy father and thy mother. Then there was Joshua who fought the battle of Geritol. After him came David, who got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son, Solomon, who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.

“After the Old Testament came the New Testament; Jesus was the star, born in Bethlehem in a barn. During His life, He had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. He also had a dozen opossums; the worst one was Judas Asparagus – so evil they named a terrible vegetable after him.

“Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot, who didn’t stick up for Him, just washed his hands instead.

“Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again on Easter. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.”

Out of the mouth of babes; could it ever be told better?

••• Christmas Gifts

– It isn’t the size of the gift that counts, but the size of the heart that gives it.

-The best of all gifts around any holiday tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

-The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.

-The giving season has become the period when we play Santa to the merchants.

– Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful.

– Suggestions for Christmas gifts: To your enemy, forgiveness. To your friend, your heart. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

Enjoy the season for all its universal greatness.