Maybe you're wondering what happened to the column the last few weeks. Maybe you haven't.
In my opinion, tournament games are more important than my deathless prose. But I have been writing. Recently, I penned the following letter to the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference office in Bay City:
The excitement of tournament time is upon us once again and being a part of the Daily Mining Gazette's coverage of Michigan Tech basketball is a joy and a privilege.
DMG Sports Writer Michael Bleach and I experienced part of that joy last week when working together to determine who would have the highest seed in the event of a three-way interdivisional tie in the men's basketball standings between Tech, Wayne State and Findlay.
You decided that head-to-head isn't a fair comparison since teams from different divisions only play once. Though I disagree, that's logical.
In its place, you instituted a system assigning points to wins and losses based on the opponent's winning percentage. It took Michael and I 45 minutes working together to figure this out. That's 1 1/2 man-hours that could have gone toward curing cancer, bringing about world peace or at least having a good nap.
Therefore, I present several less complicated suggestions for resolving ties of this nature in the future:
1. Bus Olympics
Members of all three teams must ride a standard charter bus from Canton, Ohio (home of GLIAC newcomers Walsh and Malone) to Houghton.
First one to the SDC wins, but time penalties are assigned for questionable movie choices, bathroom breaks and improper luggage loading. Like Cannonball Run, brought to you by Greyhound.
2. Academic Decathlon
Obviously, academics are what college sports are all about (wink, wink). This may be complicated in that there may not be 10 academic subjects Tech point guard Alex Culy is not currently studying.
3. Triple Threat Match
My personal favorite. Whenever there's a three-way dispute in professional wrestling, they always use this method and go mano e mano e mano.
One player from each team. Falls count anywhere. No disqualifications, even if someone gets put through the Finnish language announcer's table. I'd put Ali Haidar up against anybody in that fight.
Then again, they may have to play games after this, so maybe we should lower the risk of injury.
One coach from each team.
We all know Michigan Tech men's basketball coach Kevin Luke can work the mic. And now that we all have the mental image of him as a professional wrestler, we have to come up with a finishing move for him. The Bald Buster? The Stationary Bicycle Kick? The... Wait, is that Kim Cameron with a steel chair?!
Can the Great Lakes Valley Conference match that?
Your move, GLIAC. Let's make this an event for all to enjoy.
Brandon Veale can be reached at email@example.com. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/redveale.