Boyfriend delaying marriage; If he won’t wear the pants, you should
Dear Annie: I have been dating this man for a little over four years, and I feel like he will never fully truly commit to me. There’s a six-year age gap; I’m 28, and he is 34. I’ve always known in life that I wanted to get married and start a family; hence why I dated an older man. My thoughts were that he would be more on track to those goals rather than someone who was closer to my age (more so around the time we met).
With that being said, I feel like marriage will never happen. Any time we talk about marriage it’s a rushed conversation and it just seems like excuse after excuse as to why we haven’t taken any more steps in that direction. (We already live together.) First he said that I was too young, then he said he’s looking at rings and he needs to do his research on them, then COVID-19 hit, so it hasn’t felt like the right time. He’s a great guy and all and we have fun together, but I just feel like he will never pop the question and I’m losing my patience.
We got into a fight about our relationship this past June (but these arguments aren’t new, we’ve had a few before the most recent one), and I almost walked away for good. But, he assured me it was coming and said, “It was my plan to have a ring on your finger by the end of the year.” It’s officially 2021 and there is still no ring.
Am I wasting my time? Is he just leading me on? Am I being crazy for feeling this way? I just don’t understand why he won’t commit to me if he claims to want the same things in life. — Crunched for Commitment
Dear Crunched for Commitment: No, you’re not crazy, but keep up this waiting game much longer and you will be. I suggest popping the question yourself. No matter how he answers, you’ll be better off than you are now. (And if he says anything like “maybe,” take it as a no.)
Dear Annie: “Don’t Shoot the Mockingbird’s” dilemma about absorbing accents struck a chord with me. I’ve mirrored accents unintentionally my whole life (I’m 68 now), and I just can’t seem to stop. If I watch a British TV program for an hour, then I gain the accent and it may not go away for a few more hours. If I travel and spend a couple of days immersed in another accent, then it sometimes stays with me for weeks! I’ve noticed I actually think with the accent with my mind’s voice.
The problem seems to annoy me more than it does the people I’m mimicking, as I’ve never had anyone say, “Are you mocking me?” I think most people realize I’m absorbing their accent, not making fun of it or them. I think “Mockingbird” and others with the same “affliction” should simply ignore it and be themselves, and the people to whom they’re speaking will realize it’s not being done in jest. At least, that’s how it’s worked out for me. — Voice of the People (All of Them) in Ohio
Dear Voice of the People: Thanks for speaking as the voice of wisdom, in addition to the rest. May your letter bring comfort to any other accidental mockingbirds.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to email@example.com.