Dear Annie: I love your column and the advice you give. I never thought I’d be sending a letter to you.

My oldest daughter has given me a nudge, and I’m writing this while at her house. The problem is with “Alice,” the middle of my three daughters. She has always been difficult and quick to anger. I’m afraid she takes after her mother in many ways that aren’t necessarily good. There is untreated mental illness on her mother’s side. I’ve spent my whole marriage walking on eggshells, trying to stay in my wife’s good graces.

When they were growing up, and throughout most of their adult lives, my middle daughter has had it out for her youngest sister. She’s been relentless and cruel. The youngest has stuck up for herself and fought back, but she has never retaliated in a nasty way. I don’t know how I let this happen. I guess I thought it was a phase and always hoped they would become friends. We always treated all of our daughters the same.

Now, fast-forward, we have grandchildren from all of our girls. Unfortunately, this middle daughter has taught her teenage daughters to hate. I can’t believe this happened. Her husband is a kind, gregarious person, but he and the girls are so afraid of offending Alice that they go along with whatever she wants to try to keep the peace.

I know Alice hurts inside and is incredibly unhappy. She works at a menial job but makes a good wage because of her time there. It absolutely breaks my heart to see her daughters fighting everyone and everything. Alice has made her world very small, and these girls are doing the same. I’ve had community members come up to me in the grocery store and ask: “What’s the deal with Alice? Is she OK?”

Our oldest and youngest have had some significant obstacles and medical challenges to deal with, but they and their children are happy and well-adjusted. Alice is sort of getting along with her younger sister now, but I’m afraid it’s an act. She can put on a good show.

We’ve changed our will to specifically list who gets what. We did this because we know that Alice would fight them tooth and nail and try to end up with all of our property.

I called the hotline for the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and I spoke with someone at NAMI about this. I’ve given up on helping my wife and am not sure I can help my daughter. None of us can speak freely with her for fear of her cutting us off. Is there anything that can be done for those two beautiful teenage girls, or is this going to keep repeating for multiple generations? How have your other readers dealt with this? — Brokenhearted Papa

Dear Brokenhearted Papa: You started your letter by saying that you have spent your whole marriage walking on eggshells in order to stay in your wife’s good graces. A quick internet search will show you that there are numerous books about living with people who are narcissistic or who have borderline personality disorders, and most have something to do with not walking on eggshells anymore.

It sounds like your daughter copied what she saw in her mother, and your other daughters copied what they saw you do; namely, tiptoe around her. This is one of the most difficult personality types to be the son or daughter of, or to be married to, simply because they will never admit they have a problem and will always find fault in you. They will also show you different personality sides, leaving you guessing if maybe you did something wrong to get the mean personality.

There are survivor groups. I think it is easier for you to focus on your daughter’s behavior more than your wife’s, but the truth is that you should probably put healing your marriage first, and through understanding your wife, you will understand how to help your daughter and her teenage daughters. A professional therapist who specializes in this type of personality could really help all of you feel better and gain more understanding.

Please know that you are not alone. Many of my readers have written about similar struggles and what it is like to be so close to a narcissist.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.