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Dear Annie

When to Hold On, When to Move On

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for 10. We’ve always had what I believed was a stable, loving relationship. In all that time, we’ve only had a handful of arguments — certainly nothing major or frequent.

But recently, during a heated disagreement, he said something that completely shattered me. In the middle of our fight, he looked at me and said, “The last 10 years have been a miserable marriage.” I was stunned. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It felt like the floor dropped out from under me. Afterward, he apologized and claimed he only said it in anger — that he didn’t mean it — but I can’t seem to let it go. That sentence keeps echoing in my head, and now I find myself questioning everything about our marriage.

Did he really mean it? Has he secretly been miserable all this time? Or was it just a cruel thing said in the heat of the moment? I don’t want to overreact, but I also can’t seem to move past it. I feel deeply hurt and disconnected, and for the first time, I’m seriously considering leaving. How do I process something like this? How do you move forward when a single sentence makes you question over a decade of your life? — Blindsided and Broken

Dear Blindsided and Broken: What your husband said was cruel, no matter how angry he was. Telling someone the last 10 years were miserable isn’t something you can just shrug off — and you shouldn’t have to.

Yes, people say things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment, but even angry words often reveal deeper feelings. His apology was a start, but it doesn’t erase the damage.

Talk to him calmly and directly. Ask him if he truly meant what he said or if there’s something deeper going on. If you’re still left feeling hurt and unsure, seek the help of a marriage counselor.

Leaving a marriage is a big step. Don’t rush, but don’t ignore your feelings either. You deserve honesty, respect and peace of mind.

Dear Annie: I’m a single man in my late 30s, and after a few years of being out of the dating game, I’ve started putting myself out there again. But I’m finding it harder than ever to tell when a woman is genuinely interested — and when she’s just being polite or playing along with no intention of taking things further.

Here’s an example: I recently met someone at a friend’s party. We hit it off right away — laughing, talking for hours and even exchanging numbers. I texted her the next day, and she responded warmly. But after a few messages, she stopped replying. A week later, she liked a photo of mine on social media, which left me confused. Is she interested or not?

This kind of mixed signal seems to happen a lot. Some women seem friendly and engaged, but when I try to make plans, they ghost or dodge the idea altogether. I’m not trying to rush anything; I just want to know when to take a hint and when it’s worth pursuing.

How can a guy tell the difference between a woman who’s genuinely attracted and open to dating, versus one who’s just being nice — or keeping him around for attention? I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, including my own. — Hoping for Something Real

Dear Hoping: Many men and women struggle to read the signals in today’s dating world. But here’s the truth, and it has been the truth for as long as dating began: When someone is genuinely interested, you won’t have to do mental gymnastics to figure it out.

If a woman likes you and wants to see you, she’ll make it clear. She’ll respond to your messages, accept your invitations and show up — consistently. If she’s always vague, avoids making plans or disappears for days, she’s not serious. Friendly texting and the occasional social media “like” mean nothing without real effort behind them.

Don’t waste your energy decoding mixed messages. If you have to guess how someone feels, odds are they’re not as interested as you’d like them to be. Move on politely and confidently. The right person won’t leave you hanging.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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