Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years. We have an 18-year age gap. I’m 39, and he’s 57. We have a strong relationship and have been through hell and back together. God blessed us with our 6-month-old son, “Michael.” We have a happy little family.

We also work together. There’s been a young co-worker constantly throwing herself at my boyfriend. It’s happened before at other jobs we’ve had, too. When I talk to him about it, he’s completely oblivious. I don’t know how to handle this co-worker without getting upset with him. He said he’s not aware of her behavior, that he loves me and our son, and he asks me why I get upset with him about it.

How do I handle this co-worker conundrum? — Unconfident New Mother

Dear Unconfident: It’s completely understandable to feel unsettled, especially as a new mom who’s navigating both home life and work life with their partner. What stands out to me isn’t your boyfriend’s behavior but your need for more security and his support.

If he hasn’t reciprocated or even noticed this co-worker’s advances, it’s likely because he genuinely isn’t entertaining them. So rather than question his loyalty, focus on what you need. Let him know that you trust him but would appreciate his awareness and backup when someone crosses a line. You’re on the same team, so approach this as one.

On the work front, keep things professional. Often the best way to thwart an attention-seeker is to ignore them. If the situation escalates, you and your boyfriend can reevaluate and set boundaries together.

You said it yourself — you’ve been through hell and back together. You’ll make it through this, too. Focus on each other, nurturing your relationship and enjoying parenthood and your new son. Everything else is just noise.

Dear Annie: I’m writing in response to “Waiting On A Friend,” the senior struggling to make friends in her retirement community. It’s true that in our stressed-out society, isolation can increase over time, especially for women.

While your response really covered what’s needed, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to add a counterpoint to one belief “Waiting” has that’s interfering with her success in building bonds: the idea of reciprocation, that it’s good manners to wait for others to reciprocate and ask her to engage in activities. It’s not that she’s wrong; the positive intentions behind such a belief make sense, for example, not wanting to be a burden to others or force a relationship. However, in a world of isolation, being the consistent initiator can make all the difference.

Rather than waiting for reciprocity of invites, look for reciprocity of agreement. If people accept your invitations and enjoy these experiences, that’s also a sign of reciprocity. She should see herself as the leader she already is, and continue showing up, offering invitations. Over time, that kind of steady effort may inspire others to initiate invites to her in return. — Friendly Food for Thought

Dear Food for Thought: Thank you for your letter. You bring up an interesting point, which is that reciprocation doesn’t always come in the form we expect. As you said, a simple “yes” can be just as genuine as an invite.

I hope “Waiting” continues putting herself out there and initiating, too, both for herself and for those in her social circle. Oftentimes, what we put into the world is what we attract in return.

Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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