Dear Annie: Lately, I’ve been finding myself feeling unexpectedly down. My three kids are all growing up so fast — one just graduated college, one is starting a new job out of state and my youngest just got their driver’s license. I’m proud of them, of course. They’re kind, capable and finding their own way in the world. But I feel like I blinked and suddenly I’m no longer needed in the same way.

Our house, once noisy and full of chaos, now feels quiet. I miss the everyday routines, the messy backpacks, even the late-night rides home from practice. I know this is part of life, but it’s hitting me harder than I expected. I feel a little lost now that the role of “full-time mom” is fading. My husband doesn’t seem to understand; he says I should enjoy the peace and freedom, but it doesn’t feel peaceful. It feels lonely. Is this normal? How do I move forward and find joy in this new chapter? — Missing the Mess

Dear Missing the Mess: What you’re feeling is perfectly normal. When children grow up and begin to lead their own lives, it can leave a hollow space in the hearts of even the most capable and confident parents. You’ve spent years being needed, being busy and being at the center of their world. Now the spotlight has shifted, and it’s natural to feel a little lost.

But this is not the end of your story. It is the beginning of a new chapter that can be just as rich and meaningful. Start by reconnecting with the parts of yourself that may have taken a backseat while raising your kids. Take a class, volunteer, travel or dust off an old hobby. Build new routines. And talk to your husband about how you’re feeling. Not just the facts, but the emotions. He may not understand at first, but if he loves you, he will listen.

And here is the best part. Though your role as full-time mom has changed, your kids still need you. Just in different ways. Keep the door open, keep your heart open and do not underestimate the joy that can come from watching them thrive.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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