Dear Annie: My best friend recently started dating someone new, and ever since, she’s become distant. We used to talk daily; now I’m lucky if she texts back within a week. When we do hang out, he always tags along, even for things we used to do just the two of us.

I’m happy she’s found someone she likes, but I miss our friendship. I tried mentioning it once, and she just laughed and said, “Don’t be jealous!” I wasn’t trying to start a fight; I just wanted her to know I feel left out. Should I bring it up again or just let it go? — Third Wheel

Dear Third Wheel: Relationships can be all-consuming, especially at the beginning, but they’re not a substitute for friendship. Focus on a small, concrete ask: “I’m happy for you, but I miss spending time just us. Can we make a plan soon — just the two of us?” If she brushes you off again or keeps making you feel like an afterthought, it might be time to invest more energy into friendships that go both ways.

Dear Annie: From time to time, I read letters from people feeling blue because their friends never call to initiate social time together or just chat. I understand how this can be hurtful or frustrating, but I’d like to share another perspective.

I’ve had the same best friend for over 50 years. We met while working at the same company, then went in separate professional directions, but we always stayed in touch. But I’ve always been the one to reach out.

We’ve been golfing buddies, fishing friends and frequent lunch companions. We attended each other’s children’s weddings and always exchanged cards for birthdays and holidays. We even walked together through our wives’ cancer diagnoses and recoveries. And all that time, I was always the first to call.

Did it annoy me? Sometimes. But I wasn’t going to throw away a special friendship because of it. I know that when I call “Stuart,” he’ll always answer, and we’ll have a nice chat and make plans to do something together. A 50-year friendship is just too valuable to lose because one of us doesn’t like to make the first move. We call each other best friends, and I plan to spend another 50 years making the first call. I wouldn’t have it any other way. — Not Lonely, Just Thankful

Dear Just Thankful: Thank you for your letter. It’s a good reminder that true friendship isn’t about keeping score; it’s about showing up for one another. Yes, in a perfect world, you and Stuart might initiate evenly. But you’ve chosen to value the connection you have over this imbalance. For the right people and for the relationships worth keeping, that’s a small concession to make. Stuart may not make the first call, but in his own way, he’s shown that your friendship matters just as much to him.

Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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