Dear Annie: There is a sad and bitter battle playing out between my two daughters, and as their mother, I feel helpless to stop it. My oldest has always been the more fragile of the two. She struggles with accountability and has often relied on family to untangle the knots of her life. Years ago, she was widowed, and though her husband left her a modest fortune, she gambled it all away. One poor decision led to another, and soon she had lost her home and her stability.

Now, in her grief and desperation, she leans heavily on her younger sister for comfort and support. But this has created deep friction. My younger daughter is a wife and a mother herself, and while she has compassion for her sister, her husband resents the intrusion and chaos. He feels that every time the older sister arrives, she brings her burdens with her. Out of loyalty to her marriage, my younger daughter has begun to set firm boundaries. But instead of respecting those limits, her sister has responded with outrage, seeing it as rejection and abandonment from the one person she thought she could still count on.

To make matters more complicated, I live with my younger daughter and her husband. They have been wonderfully kind to me, giving me a safe and loving home. Yet I worry that my presence only adds another layer of tension. My eldest feels cast aside by her family, and she looks to me for support I cannot provide without upsetting the delicate balance in the home where I live. I lie awake at night wondering if she believes I’ve chosen sides.

It breaks my heart to see my children at odds with each other, and it’s agonizing to know that anything I do to ease one daughter’s pain seems to deepen the rift with the other. I want to be a peacemaker, but the more I try, the more divided things seem to become. I long for the day when my daughters can sit together, not as rivals or burdens, but simply as sisters again.

What can I do, as their mother, to bring peace to this fractured situation? How can I love and support both of them without losing myself in the middle of their war? — Mom Caught in the Middle

Dear Mom Caught in the Middle: You are carrying a burden that is not yours to fix. Your older daughter’s losses and choices are heartbreaking, but they are hers to own. Your younger daughter has every right to protect her marriage, and you should respect the boundaries she and her husband have set.

The best thing you can do is step out of the role of referee. Offer your love and listening ear to both daughters, but do not get pulled into taking sides or smoothing over conflicts that they must work through themselves. Encourage your eldest to seek professional support for her grief and struggles, and remind your younger daughter that you appreciate her kindness in giving you a home.

You cannot mend this rift by sheer will. Sometimes peace comes not from forcing reconciliation but from giving each person space, time and the chance to face their own responsibilities.

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