Dear Annie
Sisters, Secrets and Starting Over

Dear Annie: A few months ago, my younger sister, “Kate,” announced during dinner that she and her boyfriend were moving to Nashville to “start fresh.” Everyone wished her well, but I was blindsided. What she didn’t share was that she’d already told me she was leaving our family business — the bakery our parents started 30 years ago and that she and I have been running together since Mom retired.
I manage the finances and supply orders, and Kate runs the front and does most of the decorating. We’ve had our share of arguments, but we always figured it out. When she told me privately she was leaving, she brushed off my questions and said she didn’t want to deal with “drama.” Then she dropped the news in front of the whole family without once mentioning how her decision affects the bakery — or me.
I don’t want to chase after someone who’s already out the door, but I can’t help feeling used. I’m now handling holiday orders by myself with part-time help, and the customers keep asking for her. I haven’t told our parents everything because I’m not trying to start a family fight. How do I let go of the resentment when she clearly had no problem letting go of me? — Left Holding the Apron
Dear Left Holding the Apron: It’s hard not to feel abandoned after someone walks out without warning. Since she’s already made up her mind, there isn’t much sense in guilting her. But sharing your feelings could prevent your relationship from being taken over by resentment.
Instead of focusing on what you’ve lost, focus on what you’ve gained — full control over the business. That’s no small thing. If it excites you, run with it. If not, maybe it’s time for you to move on to something new, too.
Dear Annie: Earlier this year, I asked my best friend, “Macy,” to be my maid of honor. We’ve been close since college — over a decade — and I never imagined anyone else in that role. At first, she seemed excited, but since then, she’s been dodging every responsibility. Macy skipped the dress appointment, ignored my texts about the bachelorette weekend and hasn’t offered help with anything. I ended up asking my cousin to handle the shower just so it would actually happen.
What’s worse is that when I finally asked her if something was wrong, she said she’s just “not into the whole wedding thing” and thinks I’m making too big a deal out of it. That stung. This wedding isn’t extravagant — we’re doing it in a park and keeping the guest list small — but it’s still important to me. I never asked for anything over-the-top, just for her to show up and be present. Now I’m wondering if I chose the wrong person to stand beside me.
Do I let it slide and lower my expectations, or is it fair to ask her to step down? — Bride, Not a Boss
Dear Bride, Not a Boss: If she’s not interested in being a maid of honor, let her off the hook and give the role to someone who is. You deserve someone who will share your excitement and, most importantly, show up.
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