Dear Annie: If you had told me five years ago that I would fall in love with my ex-boyfriend’s brother, I would have laughed you out of the room. And yet, here I am.

I dated “Mark” for two years. He moved into my home, and even after I ended the relationship, he stayed another six months because he had nowhere else to go. He is an alcoholic who can be charming one minute and emotionally and verbally abusive the next. Over the years, he has burned through nearly every relationship he has had: friends, coworkers, even his own parents and brother.

During that time, his brother “David” and I stayed friendly. Our families have known each other since childhood. We went to the same birthday parties, the same school events and even ended up in the same friend group as adults. He has always been the steady one, the guy who shows up on time, remembers birthdays and quietly helps everyone else clean up after the party.

Months after Mark finally moved out, David and I started talking more. It felt natural at first, just two old friends checking in. Then one night over dinner, something shifted. We both realized this was not just nostalgia or loneliness. We have fallen in love. We are both almost 50, and this connection feels rare and real, like the kind of partnership you do not get many chances at.

Here is the problem. David is convinced his mother will be outraged and forbid the relationship. He says if his parents find out and his mother says no, he will end things out of loyalty to her. I have suggested that, at least for now, we could simply present ourselves as close friends and keep the deeper truth private. He says he does not care what his brother thinks, but his mother’s opinion carries enormous weight.

Are we being selfish, or just late bloomers who got a second chance in a very messy way? How do we tell our friends, our families and especially his parents about us without destroying what little peace is left? — He’s the One

Dear He’s the One: You are not cheating on a healthy relationship. You left an alcoholic, emotionally abusive partner who had already blown up his family ties long before you two fell in love.

You and this man are grown adults, not teenagers waiting for a parent to sign a permission slip. If he truly wants a life with you, he needs to say so plainly and accept that his mother may be uncomfortable at first.

Tell his parents the truth, kindly and calmly, and then step back. Your job is to be honest and respectful. His job is to stand in his own life.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2025 CREATORS.COM