Dear Annie: When my boyfriend decided to get serious about his health earlier this year — cleaner eating, regular workouts –I was super proud of him. I cheered him on and swapped out our snacks without complaint. For the first few months, it brought out the best in him.

But somewhere along the way, his personal reboot turned into an ongoing critique of me. If I bring home a loaf of bakery bread, he reminds me how “simple carbs kill energy.” If I skip a workout because I’m tired, he sighs with disapproval. Last week he told me my evening glass of wine was “a bad coping mechanism for stress.” Annie, sometimes I just want a glass of wine!

I’ve tried telling him that I’m happy he’s feeling good, but I don’t want my entire lifestyle audited. He insists he’s only trying to motivate me to be the “best version” of myself.

How do I encourage his healthy habits without letting him turn me into his latest improvement project? — Fit To Be Tired

Dear Fit To Be Tired: Physical health matters, but so do emotional and social health. Your relationship isn’t thriving if he’s grading your bread and wine choices. A partner lifts you up; a critic hands out report cards. Celebrate his healthy habits — but remind him he doesn’t get to be the coach of yours.

Dear Annie: I’ve been going back and forth with myself on whether I should leave a situation I feel has become too unbearable.

I have been in a romantic entanglement with “Dennis” for the last four years. In 2021, he cheated on me. He claims he loves me, but his actions show something else. Before he cheated, we had been together for almost six years and I was the happiest I had ever been. That’s why it is so hard for me to just let go, because of all our history and the good times. But it’s causing so much stress in my life.

I know I should walk away, but I don’t know how. What do you think I should do? How can I convince my heart to let go? — Ready To Heal

Dear Ready To Heal: Betrayal doesn’t always have to mean the end of a relationship, but the only way back to solid ground is through a serious commitment to change. Dennis hasn’t shown you he’s willing to put in the work, leaving things to feel, as you say, “unbearable.”

You don’t have to pretend the good years together didn’t matter, but you (SET ITAL)do(END ITAL) have to acknowledge that the relationship you remember isn’t the one you’re living in now. You already know what you have to do. Choose yourself over this painful limbo. With time and distance, your heart will eventually catch up to your head.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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