Dear Annie: I’ve been happily married for more than 40 years. The one shadow on that happiness has been my relationship with my husband’s family, especially my mother-in-law. From the beginning, she has never seemed to like me. I honestly do not know why. Over the years, she has been dismissive and unkind, and I have usually stayed quiet to keep the peace.

My two sisters-in-law also seem to dislike me. One actually told me she was jealous because I was “pretty,” which felt strange and childish. The other said she resented that my mother-in-law spent more time with our child than with her children. We live five minutes away, while they live about four hours away, so the time difference was mostly geography, not favoritism on my part.

This past year, my mother-in-law had a milestone birthday celebration. I went, greeted everyone, and I tried to be warm. But my sisters-in-law, and even my nieces and nephews who are all in their 30s, barely acknowledged me. No real hello. No conversation. I felt invisible in a room full of people I have known for decades.

That gathering was the final straw. I have decided to set firmer boundaries with my husband’s family. For my own well-being, I do not want to attend future get togethers where I am ignored and treated with contempt. My husband is free to go, but I do not want to keep putting myself in a situation that feels toxic.

Am I being too harsh by stepping back, or is this a reasonable boundary after all these years? — Tired of Being Frozen Out

Dear Tired: No, you are not being too harsh. Being deliberately ignored is hurtful, and after 40 years of trying to keep the peace, it is understandable that you do not want to keep walking into a room where you are treated like you do not exist.

Start with your husband. Tell him plainly and without anger that you have tried for years to maintain good relationships with your in-laws, but the last gathering was painful. Reiterate that you are not willing to keep attending family events where you are met with silence. Make it clear you are not asking him to choose sides. You are asking him to recognize what is happening and to stand with you.

If you want a middle path, you can step back from your husband’s family without cutting ties completely. You might attend only the most important occasions, stay for a short time and leave together if the rudeness begins.

You are not asking too much by simply expecting good manners. And you do not need to volunteer for mistreatment just to prove you are polite.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM