Dear Annie: I have a problem that feels small when I say it out loud, but it is starting to take up way too much space in my head.

I have a close friend, “Megan,” who has quietly turned into the scorekeeper of our friendship. She keeps tabs on everything. If I take two hours to text back, she will say, “Wow, must be nice to be busy,” with a little smile that makes it hard to call her on it. If I do not “like” a photo she posts, she will bring it up later like a joke, except it does not feel like a joke. If I spend time with another friend, she will say something like, “Oh, so I guess I’m your second choice now.”

The tricky part is that she is also generous and funny and has been there for me in real ways. When my dad was in the hospital, she brought food. When I was going through a rough patch at work, she listened for hours. So I feel guilty even writing this.

But lately, her comments have gotten sharper. Last week, I had to cancel dinner because my son was sick, and she replied, “Sure, family first. Must be convenient.” Then, the next day, she acted totally normal as if nothing happened. It is like she throws these little darts and then wants me to pretend they did not land.

I have tried brushing it off, and I have tried being extra reassuring, but that only seems to make her more demanding. I am starting to dread seeing her name pop up on my phone, which makes me feel like a terrible friend.

How do I address this without turning it into a big dramatic fight? Is this something I can bring up gently, or is it a sign that the friendship has become unhealthy and I need to step back? — Walking on Eggshells

Dear Eggshells: Feeling a knot in your stomach when a friend’s name pops up is your mind waving a little flag. You can appreciate Megan’s support and still be honest that the snide remarks are wearing you down.

Bring it up once, gently but clearly, and keep it simple: “I care about you and I love our friendship, but the sarcastic comments about my response time or who I spend time with hurt. I need us to talk more directly and skip the jabs.” Then stop talking and let her respond.

If she hears you and makes an effort, that is a good sign. If she minimizes it or turns it back on you, it is OK to step back and create more space. Healthy friendships do not require you to tiptoe.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM