Dear Annie: I am a 69-year-old man who is still totally and madly in love with my wife of 49 years. I know many people would say I’m foolish for feeling this way after she cheated on me several times during the early years of our marriage. At the time, I blamed myself. We were young, I felt responsible for providing for our growing family, and I threw myself into work. I came from a broken home, and my wife came from poverty. I was determined that neither of us would ever go through that again. Looking back, I think my long hours may have left her feeling lonely.

After that, I made it my goal to spend all my free time with her and give her everything she wanted. Most of the time, our life together is wonderful. But when she gets upset — sometimes over something small — she tells me she loves me but is no longer “in love” with me and threatens divorce. Then we make up, things return to normal and life feels good again — until the next disagreement, when divorce comes up once more.

Recently, she has begun accusing me of wanting to be unfaithful, which hurts deeply. I have never stopped loving her, and I don’t want to live without her. Yet her words and accusations are tearing my heart apart, little by little. I feel trapped between loving her completely and being hurt over and over again. — Still in Love

Dear Still in Love: Threatening divorce every time she’s unhappy is not an argument; it’s a scare tactic. It keeps you apologizing, over correcting and walking on eggshells, while she holds your deepest fear over your head. That isn’t how grown-ups solve problems, and it isn’t how a marriage survives with dignity.

You are not foolish for loving your wife, but loving her does not mean tolerating emotional cruelty. The next time divorce comes up, don’t panic and don’t plead. Say calmly, “I love you, but I will not live under constant threats.” Counseling would help immensely.

Love should make you feel steady, not afraid.

Dear Annie: I am writing in response to “Hopelessly Rational,” who is in love with someone she describes as “not a very logical man to love” and is questioning whether it’s wise to be with him.

After a 31-year marriage followed by four years of widowhood, I decided to take a chance on a man who, for most of my lifetime, I would have avoided at all costs. He was a recovering alcoholic and a military veteran who suffered from war-related PTSD, both of which caused him to have a history of run-ins with the law and tendencies to be a risk-taker. I, on the other hand, had lived my life on the straight and narrow, following all the rules and generally being a goody two-shoes.

Before his passing two years ago, we enjoyed a 14-year relationship (including an 11-year marriage), during which I often referred to us as “the most unlikely couple.” Despite our very different histories, I believe that we enriched each other’s lives in unexpected ways.

I hope that “Hopelessly Rational” won’t let overthinking prevent her from a future life that might become unpredictably rewarding. — Twice a Widow

Dear Twice a Widow: Your story is a lovely reminder that love doesn’t always arrive in sensible packaging — but it’s worth noting that you chose a partner who had done the hard work of recovery and growth. Following your heart can be rewarding, but it’s wisest when the person you choose can offer good judgment and emotional reliability, too.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM