Dear Annie: I am the friend everyone calls when they need something.

I am the one who remembers birthdays, checks in after surgeries, brings soup when someone is sick and sends the “just thinking of you” text. If a friend is going through a divorce, I am there. If someone’s child is struggling, I listen for hours. If there is a crisis, I show up.

But lately, I have started to notice something painful. When I am the one having a hard time, the room gets very quiet.

A few months ago, I went through a health scare. It turned out to be OK, thank goodness, but while I was waiting for test results, I was terrified. I told a few close friends, women I have supported for years. One sent a heart emoji. One changed the subject and started talking about her kitchen renovation. Another said, “You’re strong, you’ll be fine,” which somehow made me feel even more alone.

I know people are busy. I know not everyone is good at emotional support. But I am starting to feel less like a friend and more like an emotional utility service.

Now I find myself pulling back and feeling resentful, which is not how I want to be. Part of me wonders if I trained people to expect me to be the helper and never the one in need. Another part of me wonders if these friendships are simply not as deep as I thought.

How do I stop feeling used without becoming bitter? And how do I know when a friendship is worth saving versus when it is time to let it go? — Running on Empty

Dear Running: You are not wrong to feel hurt. Even the strongest friend still needs someone to bring the soup.

Some people are caring but clueless. Others are happy to drink from your well and never ask who fills it. Your job is to figure out which is which.

Start small and tell the truth to those who are draining you. Tell them, “I care about you, but I’ve been feeling a little alone lately.” A good friend may be surprised and do better. A fake friend who is using you will get defensive or disappear, which is painful but useful information that reveals who they really are.

Also, stop doing so much. Not every crisis needs your cape. Relationships get lopsided when one person is always the lifeguard.

Choose people who can sit with your feelings, not just borrow your strength.

And for the record, “You’re so strong” is often what people say when they want to admire you instead of help you.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM