Dear Annie: My soon-to-be fiancee has had an incredibly hard year. She had ankle surgery and a difficult recovery. She worked hard to get her mental health back on track. She gave up drinking for me. She also went through serious family drama after being kicked out of her aunt’s house, and she had to sue to get out of the situation. She won.

For most of her life, her family had a lot of control over her. After more than 50 years, she finally stood up for herself and told them how she felt. I am so proud of her. Right now, I feel like her biggest cheerleader.

We have known each other for 30 years as friends, and now we are dating. She already “proposed” to me online, but she has no idea that I am planning to propose to her in person on her birthday at her favorite restaurant. She has her ring picked out, her gown chosen and even has thoughts about the honeymoon. We are keeping the engagement quiet because she is a very private person.

The only problem is that she is not always great at communicating. She also has very few friends she can truly trust. I am one of the only people in her life, besides one other friend, who really looks out for her.

I love her deeply and want to support her without overwhelming her or saying the wrong thing. Do you have any advice on how I can talk to her, reassure her and help her feel safe as we begin this next chapter? — Her Biggest Cheerleader

Dear Cheerleader: Lead with love, not fixing. Tell her simply, “I’m proud of you, I love you, and I want us to build a peaceful life together.”

Then listen more than you talk. After the year she has had, safety will mean consistency, patience and no pressure. You do not have to say the perfect thing. Just be steady, kind and honest.

Dear Annie: My adult son is a good man, and I know he loves me, but lately I feel as if I only hear from him when something has gone wrong. If his car makes a strange noise, he calls. If he needs help figuring out insurance, he calls. If he is short on money or having trouble with his girlfriend, suddenly Mom is the first person on speed dial.

But when I call just to chat, ask about his day or invite him over for Sunday dinner, he is always “swamped” and says he will call me back. Most of the time, he doesn’t. I find myself staring at the phone, feeling foolish for missing someone who only seems to remember me when life gets inconvenient.

I don’t want to guilt him or push him away. I just miss being part of his everyday life, not only his emergency contact. How do I tell him that without sounding needy? — More Than Mom’s Help Line

Dear More Than Mom’s Help Line: You can love your son dearly and still refuse to be treated like roadside assistance with a casserole dish. Tell him warmly and directly, “I’m always glad to help you, but I miss hearing from you when nothing is wrong.” Then stop rewarding only the crisis calls with your full attention and invite him into ordinary connection instead. A weekly dinner or Sunday phone call may not fix everything, but it is a good place to remind him that mothers are people, not just emergency contacts.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM