Dear Annie: I moved to northern Florida over a year ago to help care for my parents. My sister has lived in southern Florida for many years, and for as long as I can remember, nearly every conversation with her includes the same question: “When are you coming down?”

Before I moved here, she asked it constantly. Once, she and her husband picked me up from the airport, and before we had even left the curb, she asked, laughing, “When are you coming down again?” She knows it irritates me, but she does it anyway.

Now that I live in the same state, nothing has changed. It is still, “When are you coming down?”

I hosted Thanksgiving and gave her two months’ notice. Every time we talked, she asked, “What can we bring?” I told her, then sent a list of who was bringing what. Still, every call brought another, “Are you sure?”

Now it is my birthday month, and I recently found out I need cataract surgery. This feels like a big deal to me, and between work and the surgery, I told my sister I did not want to make plans. She would not accept that. “We have to celebrate your birthday,” she kept saying. When I said no, she answered, “That won’t do.”

It is not the celebrating that bothers me. It is the relentless, battering-ram tone. “When are you coming down?” “Are you sure?” “We have to celebrate.” Over and over, until I feel like I am being pushed through a hedge backward.

If I say anything, she tells me I am too sensitive, then treats me like I am fragile. I am not fragile. I am tired of being verbally worn down.

I love my sister, but we are both over 60 years old, and I cannot handle this anymore. If I hear “When are you coming down?” one more time, I may answer, “Never.”

How do I get her to stop steamrolling me, or at least learn not to let it get under my skin? — Harassed by Reputation

Dear Harassed: Your sister may think she is being loving, but love repeated at full volume can start to sound like a leaf blower.

Stop explaining. Explanations give determined people something to argue with. Try one calm sentence: “I love you, but I am not discussing plans this month.” If she keeps pushing, say, “I’m going to hang up now, and we’ll talk another time.” Then do it.

You do not have to become desensitized to being steamrolled. You have to become consistent. Boundaries are not speeches; they are actions.

Wait until after your surgery and for now focus on protecting your peace.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM