Dear Annie: My best friend, “Ashley,” and I have worked at the same marketing agency for three years. We started on the same day, bonded over bad coffee, and we have been inseparable ever since. We have lunch together almost every day and text constantly. We have even taken a few vacations together. She was the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant last year, before I’d even told my mother.

Last month, I was promoted to Senior Manager, which means I am now directly responsible for overseeing her work, giving her performance reviews, and if it ever came to it, disciplinary action. HR made it very clear that I needed to “maintain professional boundaries,” which I understood in theory. But I didn’t expect how quickly things would shift.

At the office, Ashley is polite but formal in a way she never used to be. She cc’s me on emails she used to just walk over and tell me about. Last week, she called me “Ms. Hargrove” in a meeting, my last name, which she has never once used in three years. When I tried to bring it up over lunch, she said everything was fine and changed the subject.

Outside of work, she’s been pulling away, too. She’s canceled our last two standing Friday dinners, and her texts have gone from paragraphs to one-word replies. I miss her terribly. I keep wondering if I should have turned down the promotion, or at least warned her it was coming before I accepted.

I don’t want to lose my best friend. But I also worked incredibly hard for this role and I don’t think I should have to apologize for it. How do I hold onto both without sacrificing either? — Lonely at the Top

Dear Lonely: You should not have turned down the promotion, and you do not owe anyone an apology for earning it.

But Ashley is not entirely wrong to create some distance. Overnight, her best friend became the person who evaluates her work. That changes the room, the lunch table and the text thread. It does not mean she is jealous or punishing you. It may mean she is trying, awkwardly, to protect herself and you.

Have one honest conversation outside the office. Tell her that you miss your friendship, and you know work has changed. Express that you wish to respect the new boundaries, but you also don’t want to lose your close friend. Then listen to what she has to say. Do not push for things to instantly go back to normal.

At work, be scrupulously fair. No gossip, no favors, no back-channel advice. Document what you would document for anyone else. Friendship is not a performance plan.

Outside work, let the friendship find its new shape. It may not be constant texting and daily lunches anymore, but it can still be real. Promotions reveal who can grow with us. Give Ashley time to decide if she can.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM