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Dear Annie: My 13-year-old daughter recently came home from two weeks at sleepaway camp, where she became very close to another girl in her bunk. At first, I was thrilled. My daughter has always been a little shy, and she came home talking nonstop about how funny, confident and “grown-up” this new friend seemed.
A few days later, I learned that the girl had been encouraging my daughter to kiss boys during evening activities and had tried to convince her to sneak alcohol from an older camper’s bag. My daughter insists that she did not drink anything, but she admitted that she kissed a boy because she was afraid the other girls would call her immature. She said everyone was doing it and that she did not want to be left out.
Since returning home, she has been texting this friend constantly. She turns her phone over when I enter the room, stays up later than she is allowed and has become unusually defensive. When I gently asked about the friendship, she accused me of judging her and said I never let her make her own choices.
My first instinct is to forbid the friendship and take away her phone. But I worry that doing so will only make this girl more appealing and teach my daughter to hide things from me. I want her to know she can come to me when she feels pressured or makes a mistake. At the same time, she is only 13, and I cannot ignore behavior involving alcohol, secrecy and pressure from peers.
How do I set firm boundaries while keeping the lines of communication open? I want to protect my daughter without pushing her further toward the very influence that worries me. -- Worried at Home
Dear Worried: First off, it’s a great sign that your daughter told you about this. It shows that she trusts you -- and trust is the most valuable trait in a relationship between parent and child. Try to get curious about the situation. Ask what she likes about this girl and how she felt when she was pressured. Then be clear: You should never kiss someone out of fear, and drinking alcohol at 13 is not harmless experimentation.
You do not have to ban your daughter from continuing this friendship immediately, but you can limit late-night texting and keep a closer eye on contact. The goal is not to choose her friends for her. It is to help her recognize when a friend is asking her to betray her own good judgment.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM