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Dear Annie: I’m going through a difficult divorce after 58 years of marriage to an alcoholic. Recently he told me two things I never knew: that he slept with my sister the night before our wedding and, years later, when they were both in the military, with a friend of mine.
I always knew my sister flirted with him. She’d tried the same with two other sisters’ boyfriends, and she and my husband spent years publicly claiming to dislike each other while accusing one another of “trying something.” I always thought it was weird but harmless. I never imagined it went that far on either count. I would never have married him if I’d known.
My children are close with my sister’s kids, and now they all know. My children think I should just move on, since the divorce is already happening anyway. But I love my nephews, and there will be family events for the rest of my life -- Christmas, funerals, all of it. I don’t know how I’m supposed to sit in a room with my sister again, let alone forgive her.
How do I move forward from something this large, this late in life? -- Blindsided at the End
Dear Blindsided: This is a betrayal on a scale most people never have to reckon with, and you’re allowed to be shattered by it. No one gets to rush you past that.
A good therapist, one who works with trauma and betrayal specifically, is the difference between carrying this alone and having someone help you make sense of it.
As for your sister: You don’t owe her closeness, and you don’t owe the family a performance of forgiveness. Let your nephews stay your nephews; that relationship is separate from hers.
Beyond that, focus on healing. That can mean whatever it needs to -- maybe it’s time with your children, planning the trip you always wanted to go on, or taking up a hobby you finally have time for.
This chapter has taken enough from you already; don’t let it take the next one, too.
Dear Annie: A longtime friend and I recently went out for supper. I treated. Later, my friend asked if I had tipped. I told them it wasn’t their concern since I’d paid, but they insisted it did concern them, and we argued about it.
This particular friend always has to have things their way, and they won’t hear anything to the contrary.
I don’t want to lose this friendship, but this last issue has made me consider backing away. -- Tip of the Iceberg
Dear Tip of the Iceberg: It sounds like this argument wasn’t really about the tip. It was about a longtime pattern of your friend needing the last word.
If you value the friendship, don’t throw it away over one dinner. But you also don’t have to argue every point to the finish. The next time your friend pushes, tell them, “We don’t agree, and that’s OK,” and change the subject.
If they can’t let even small disagreements go, a little distance may be exactly what this friendship needs.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM