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Dear Annie: I’m 74 and just moved in with my younger sister. Since I’ve been here, I’ve noticed she’s drinking more than I remember her drinking before, close to a bottle of wine nearly every night. She otherwise seems fine. She’s still doing her gardening, cooking meals for herself and meeting up with friends.
But still -- this can’t be good for her. I’m hesitant to critique how she lives when she otherwise seems fine, especially when it’s something she’s doing in her own home. Do I say something, or is this none of my business? -- Newly Moved In
Dear Newly Moved In: It’s not none of your business. It’s your sister, and protecting her health is worth an uncomfortable conversation.
Raise it gently: “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking more, and I wanted to check in.” You don’t need to monitor her from here on out; just make sure she knows you noticed and that you care.
Dear Annie: Seven years ago, my husband died from Parkinson’s. It was a long and nasty way to die and, to say the least, heartbreaking for me and our children.
Throughout the ordeal, my senior ladies’ group was a source of comfort and stability. They all knew what my husband was going through. For one hour a week, I absorbed the love of true friends, and it gave me strength.
Now, a newer member of the group’s husband has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. My heart goes out to her. She wasn’t here during my husband’s long journey, so she may not know how he died.
Is it possible to offer her support without sharing too many specifics? I don’t want to compare her husband to mine. Every case is unique, and he may well have a very different experience.
The Parkinson’s Foundation (https://www.parkinson.org/) and The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research (https://www.michaeljfox.org/) were wonderful sources of information and support. I plan to refer her to both. They also helped connect me with a local support group that was so good for me.
s there anything else I can do to guide her toward the support she needs? -- Been There
Dear Been There: You know firsthand what helped you most: having people around who cared.
You don’t need to tell this woman every detail of your husband’s illness to offer her the same comfort. Simply tell her you’ve walked this road before and are there if she ever wants to talk. Then let her decide how much she wants to know and when. Pointing her toward the organizations and support group that helped you is a wonderful start, too.
Beyond that, just keep showing up for her. You know better than most how much that means.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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