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Dear Annie: This past July, my husband and I rented a house near us so our two daughters, their husbands and our grandchildren could all spend time together. Since everyone lives several states apart, we thought it would be a wonderful chance to reconnect and hopefully start a yearly family tradition.
We live only about 15 minutes from the rental, so during the day we planned activities in the mountains, and in the evenings everyone would come back to our house for dinner and time together. For most of the trip, things went well. But during the last couple of days, it became obvious that our sons-in-law were not getting along.
The tension came to a head when one husband corrected the other husband’s children. The father became extremely angry and actually threatened his brother-in-law. Shortly afterward, he packed up and left abruptly with our daughter and grandchildren on the final day of the trip.
My husband and I were stunned and honestly didn’t know what to do in the moment, so we let everyone cool off rather than making things worse. Later, we told our other son-in-law that because of the threatening behavior, we did not feel comfortable inviting the husband who made the threat back next year.
Now I’m second-guessing everything. We had hoped this would become a yearly family gathering, but I don’t know how to move forward without creating more division between our daughters and their husbands. I also worry that excluding one son-in-law could mean losing time with our daughter and grandchildren.
I’m already stressing about next summer, and it’s months away. How should we handle future family vacations after something like this? -- Shell-Shocked in the Mountains
Dear Shell-Shocked: A threat crosses a line, and you were right not to ignore it. But before deciding who is invited next year, talk privately with both daughters and their husbands, and make it clear that future family gatherings require basic respect -- including no threats and no disciplining someone else’s children unless there is a safety issue.
You can’t force your sons-in-law to like each other, but you can set the rules for your home and your family gatherings. Also, remember that you’re not responsible for how people feel or react. I hope that you’re able to unwind and enjoy next summer’s vacation a little more than this one.
Give everyone some time to cool down before making next summer’s plans.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM