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Dear Annie: I have two sisters, and one of them, “Joanie,” tragically passed away from cancer last year. It’s obviously been hard, but what’s making it harder is my remaining sister. She has always been competitive. And she has somehow turned even grief into a competition.
For example, a few weeks ago I mentioned I hadn’t slept the night before out of sadness, and she shot back, “I haven’t slept at all since Joanie died.” I know she’s sad, but I also know this isn’t true.
It was the same at the funeral. She insisted on speaking longest and loudest, then collapsed so dramatically later on that two people had to walk her to her car. I have somehow been roped into this competition for Most Bereaved Sister that I never wanted to be a part of. -- Grieving in Second Place
Dear Grieving in Second Place: Nobody hands out medals for suffering, but your sister seems to be channeling her grief into melodramatics. It’s not wrong -- everybody processes loss differently -- but it can certainly be insensitive to the grief of others.
Grieve at your own pace and at your own volume, and let her performance be hers alone to carry. Joanie isn’t keeping score, and neither is anybody else.
Dear Annie: When my mother passed away, she left my sister with a few beautiful pieces of jewelry, and I got some too -- a brooch, her pearl earrings, her wedding band. I’ve always treasured mine, but I’ll admit I envied my sister’s haul: a sapphire ring and a set of silver bangles that suited her perfectly.
Last month, I was over at her house for dinner and noticed she wasn’t wearing the bangles. This was strange -- she usually wore them almost every day. When I asked why, she admitted, sort of sheepishly, she had sold them to an antique shop!
I was floored. Those were one of the few things we had left of our mother. I would have cherished those bracelets forever. I would have even bought them from her had she given me the chance! I know it’s just jewelry, but I can’t shake how upset I feel every time I think about it. -- Betrayed
Dear Betrayed: You’re allowed to be hurt, and your sister deserves to hear it plainly. Tell her what those bangles meant to you, and ask if that antique shop still has them. Stranger things have happened.
If you can’t find the bangles, mourn them if you must. But remember that jewelry can always be lost, sold or melted down. What your mother actually left the two of you can’t be pawned.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM