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Dear Annie: My husband and I absolutely adore our grandchildren, and spending time with them is one of the great joys of our lives. The problem is that our son and daughter-in-law have very different parenting styles, and we keep finding ourselves caught in the middle.
Our son is much more relaxed about things like bedtime, sweets and screen time. Our daughter-in-law is stricter and likes to keep the children on a very specific routine. For example, our son will tell us it is fine if the kids stay up late watching a movie, but later our daughter-in-law will be upset because they were supposed to be in bed by 8:30.
The same thing happens with food. Our son might say, “Give them ice cream if they want it,” while our daughter-in-law has told us she does not want dessert unless they finish dinner. Once, we let our grandson have a second helping of dessert after our son said it was fine, and our daughter-in-law was clearly annoyed when she found out.
There are also different rules about buying things for the children. My husband loves taking them to the toy store and letting them pick out a small treat, but our daughter-in-law worries that we are spoiling them.
We truly are not trying to undermine anyone. We just want to enjoy being grandparents without feeling as though we might accidentally upset one of the parents.
Should we ask our son and daughter-in-law to agree on the rules before the grandchildren stay with us, or is it better to simply follow the stricter parent’s wishes? -- Grandparents Walking on Eggshells
Dear Walking on Eggshells: Ask your son and daughter-in-law for a few basic rules, then trust your own instincts. You raised a healthy son, so chances are you know a thing or two about caring for children.
And remember, the most important thing is that your grandchildren feel safe, loved and happy in your home.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for many years, and lately I feel as though his phone has become the third person in our marriage. Every night at dinner, he scrolls through emails, news, social media and texts while I sit across from him trying to have a conversation.
I have asked him several times to put the phone away, and he usually says he is “just checking one thing,” but that one thing can turn into most of the meal. Even when I tell him about my day, I can tell he is only half listening.
We used to talk about everything over dinner, and I really miss that connection. I don’t want to nag him or make every meal into an argument, but I also don’t want this to become our new normal.
How can I get through to him without sounding controlling? -- Married to a Screen
Dear Married to a Screen: Tell your husband that this is not really about the phone — it is about missing him. Ask if the two of you can make dinner a phone-free time, even if it is only for 30 minutes.
Try to approach him with warmth rather than criticism. People are much more likely to put down the screen when they understand that someone they love is asking for connection, not control.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM