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Dear Annie: I have been divorced for four years and share custody of my two children, ages 11 and 14. My ex-husband remarried last year, and I truly wanted his new wife to have a good relationship with the kids.
At first, I was grateful. She was kind, showed up to their games and made an effort to include them. But lately, it feels like she is trying to become their mother instead of simply being their stepmother.
She buys them clothes without asking, signs school forms, gives punishments and recently told my daughter she could come to her with “anything she wouldn’t feel comfortable telling Mom.” That one hurt.
The final straw came at my son’s school awards night. I arrived to find her sitting in the front row beside my ex, with a seat saved for me several rows back. Later, when someone complimented my son, she smiled and said, “We’re so proud of the young man we’re raising.”
I know she may mean well, and I don’t want my children caught in the middle. They like her, and I’m glad they do. But I also feel as though my role is slowly being crowded out.
How do I set boundaries without sounding jealous or making my children feel they have to choose sides? — Still Their Mom
Dear Still Their Mom: Your children know who their mother is, and no one can take that away from you.
It is a good thing that their stepmother loves them and wants to be involved, but there still need to be boundaries. Talk privately with your ex-husband about the areas where you feel she is overstepping, especially when it comes to school matters or disciplining.
Try not to make this a competition. The more caring adults your son has in his life, the better. But a loving stepparent should not try to replace you as a mom.
There is room in your children’s hearts for both of you. Just make sure everyone remembers who is Mom.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have a good marriage except for one issue: the thermostat. I am always freezing, and he is always “boiling.” I turn the heat up two degrees, and within minutes he sneaks by and turns it back down. We have been married 18 years, and I swear we have discussed the thermostat more than our children, finances and retirement combined.
Last week I caught him opening a bedroom window in January while the heat was on. I told him this was grounds for divorce. He told me to put on another sweater.
How do two otherwise reasonable adults stop fighting over two degrees? — Frozen in My Own Home
Dear Frozen: Marriage is about compromise, and apparently also layers. Pick a temperature in the middle, invest in a good blanket and declare the thermostat neutral territory. If he opens a window in January again, however, I fully support hiding his favorite sweatshirt.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM