Trending
Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband for a little over 50 years, and lately I find myself wondering whether I am becoming too sensitive or whether something in our marriage has changed.
More and more, I feel as though my feelings, needs and wishes are being overlooked. If I speak up about something that bothers me, especially if it goes against what my husband thinks, he often acts as though I am overreacting or making a big deal out of nothing. After so many years together, it hurts to feel as though my opinions can be brushed aside so easily.
A small incident recently brought all of these feelings to the surface. I had spent time making a pan of bars for us. That evening, a fly got into the house and landed near the pan. My husband grabbed a rolled-up paper and swatted at it, knocking the fly right into the bars I had made.
I asked him why he couldn’t have waited until the fly landed somewhere else before swatting it. Instead of simply saying he hadn’t thought about it, he became angry with me and insisted that it hadn’t hurt anything. He made me feel as though I was turning a tiny incident into a major problem.
I realize this may sound like a silly argument after more than 50 years of marriage, but to me it wasn’t really about the fly or even the bars. It was about feeling that the time and effort I had put into making something didn’t matter, and that my feelings about it mattered even less.
Sometimes I think that if my husband had to do more of the cooking and preparation himself, he might better understand how frustrating it is when that effort isn’t appreciated.
m I making mountains out of molehills, as he seems to think? Or is it reasonable to want my husband, even after all these years, to take my feelings seriously? — Feeling Overlooked After 50 Years
Dear Feeling Overlooked: This isn’t really about a fly or a pan of bars. It’s about wanting to feel understood and seen by your husband.
You may have been upset over something small, but his dismissing you is the bigger issue. Tell him calmly that you don’t need him to agree with everything you say, but you do need him to respect that your feelings are real.
And perhaps the next pan of bars should come with some gratitude.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM