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Dear Annie: I have always strived to be a super supportive mother-in-law and have maintained what I thought was a great relationship with my daughter-in-law until recently. My daughter-in-law gave birth to my first and only grandchild a little over a year ago, and I have tried my best to respect the boundaries she has set.
I live six hours away and don’t get to see my grandson as often as I would like. Most times, I will make the drive and stay with my other son for the weekend, as he lives very close to his brother. I try not to fly in due to my daughter-in-law’s rule about not being able to see the baby after air travel. She also has rules about not touching the baby’s hands or kissing the baby.
This summer, we planned a trip to Hawaii that she agreed to, and I paid for the airline tickets to help with cost. My husband and I were there for seven of the 10 days of the trip. She chose to reschedule her and my grandson’s flights to arrive on the day I was leaving.
Needless to say, I was terribly hurt by this and told my son this. But I was very gracious and explained that although I was hurt and disappointed by her decision, we are family and will be forever connected and we should just move on.
Recently, I was over at their house for dinner. When I was saying goodbye while holding my grandson, I placed a couple of light kisses on his cheek. My daughter-in-law took the baby from me and said I could no longer hold him and refused to give him back to me even after I apologized for my forgetfulness and promised to not do it again. I think what hurts the most besides being reprimanded in public was that my son later told me that he completely agrees with her behavior. I just don’t see a way forward from here, and I’m tired of being the bigger person. Am I being unreasonable and selfish for my feelings? -- Daughter-In-Law Struggles
Dear Daughter-In-Law Struggles: Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Her behavior sounds truly hurtful. She has the right to impose a no-kissing rule, but an honest mistake does not warrant a public reprimand.
Stop relitigating the Hawaii trip and the dinner incident. If seeing your grandson more is your goal, then ask your son -- without his wife in the room -- what it would take. Let him name the terms. Then you can decide whether it’s worth it to follow them.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM