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Dear Annie: Where do I begin? My son and our family have put up with our daughter-in-law for 15 years. Although she appears charming to others, she is downright crude to me. I have ignored her rude remarks to me for years, letting time pass, but there is always another conflict. My son puts up with her outbursts of anger, but then she turns to me and unloads her frustration. I’ve told them both to get into counseling, but it always goes in one ear and out the other.
The holidays are coming up, and I’ve decided not to even bother with a family dinner if she’ll be there. I’m planning to tell my son why and hope for the best. What do you think? -- Feeling Disappointed in New Jersey
Dear Feeling Disappointed: Fifteen years is a long time to bite your tongue. You’ve let a lot slide over the years, but everyone has a limit. You’re not obligated to host a holiday dinner. Tell your son that you love him and want to spend time together, but the tension with his wife has become too much. Make it clear you’re not asking him to choose sides; you’re simply choosing not to host this year.
You can’t make them go to counseling, and you can’t change your daughter-in-law. But you can decide what you’re willing to put up with, especially in your own home. Being family doesn’t give anyone a free pass to be unkind.
Dear Annie: What do you do if, after several attempts to get your co-worker to stop spreading her germs, she won’t?
My colleagues and I have tried everything. I’ve personally given her cough drops, Kleenex and Chloraseptic throat spray, but she refuses to get her own. Others have even given her ginger, but she won’t take it.
At first, we thought it was a cultural thing. Then we thought she didn’t have the money to purchase these items herself. But now we think she either likes the attention or she’s just lazy.
I don’t know what else to do. We have sprayed down her area, and we have masks, wipes and even gloves for ourselves — all company policy -- to no avail. Any advice? -- Sick of Germs
Dear Sick of Germs: You’ve tried addressing this with your co-worker directly, and it hasn’t worked. It’s time to stop playing nurse and let someone else handle it.
Speak privately with your supervisor or HR team about your concerns. They can address the situation discreetly and make sure workplace health policies are being followed.
In the meantime, keep taking reasonable precautions to protect yourself and stay healthy. You’ve done your part. Now let the people in charge do theirs.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM