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Dear Annie: I was married for 30 years, and some of them were very happy. The man I fell in love with was joyful and excited about life. Over time he grew bitter and withdrawn and critical about nearly everything I did. We tried counseling twice. In the end, we were two people who were no longer compatible, and we divorced.
I’m now 60 and newly single. I’m healthy, I love my job, and I have good friends and hobbies I enjoy. But I still want someone to grow old with. I’ve been out of the dating game so long I don’t know how to get back in. Most men my age are married, still mourning a wife or content as lifelong bachelors. My girlfriends are all married except one, who is widowed and swears she’ll never remarry, so I have no one to relate to about this. --Starting Over at 60
Dear Starting Over: You’re in better shape than you think. Healthy, employed and well-liked puts you ahead of most candidates at any age. And while dating at 60 has its challenges, it has its advantages, too. You’ve collected decades of wisdom and emotional maturity. Now it’s time to reap the benefits.
You’re already social and open to new people, so you only need a few small adjustments, not a lifestyle overhaul. Take that energy to places where single men show up -- church, volunteering, a pickleball league, a hiking club. Pick things you’d enjoy even if no one asks you to coffee afterward.
Ask your married friends, too. Their husbands know single men, and an introduction beats a cold start. Then, just start accepting invitations -- even from men who aren’t your type. You never know who you’ll meet, or where an introduction might lead.
Dear Annie: I’ve worked in the same office for decades with several longtime co-workers. Every holiday season, we exchange Christmas cards.
Last year, I took Christmas week off for the first time in a very long time. Another employee usually takes that week off, so it was unusual that I was away. I passed out cards the week before I left, but I did not receive anything from the people I work closely with, either before or after my time out. It really bothered me that I was ignored this time around, and it felt very hurtful.
Now that the holidays are approaching again, I find myself thinking about what happened. Should I just get over it? -- Scrooged
Dear Scrooged: When a standing tradition suddenly changes, it’s natural to wonder why. Maybe your co-workers overlooked you because you were away, or maybe they decided to skip the exchange altogether. It’s hard to know without asking directly, but I’m not sure a Christmas card is worth making things awkward over.
This year, send cards to the people you genuinely want to wish well, without expecting anything in return. After all, the holiday spirit is about giving, not keeping score.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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