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Dear Annie: For 38 years, my husband and I worked hard, raised three children, paid off our mortgage and dreamed about the day we could finally retire. I always imagined retirement would be our reward for decades of responsibility. We would travel, explore new places, take spontaneous road trips and finally have time for each other.
Well, that day has arrived, and I’ve discovered that my husband and I have two very different ideas of what retirement should look like.
My husband is perfectly content to spend his days in his recliner, watching television, playing golf twice a week and going to the same three restaurants we’ve been visiting for 30 years. He says he’s earned the right to do absolutely nothing, and I suppose he has.
But I feel the opposite. I’m 67, healthy, energetic and more excited about life than I’ve been in years. I want to see Italy, take cooking classes, hike in beautiful places and maybe even spend a month living in Paris. I don’t want to spend the next 20 years watching my husband watch television.
Last month, I surprised him with brochures for a European river cruise. He barely looked up from his football game before saying, “Why would I want to spend all that money when I’m perfectly happy right here?”
I went upstairs and cried. Not because of the cruise, but because I suddenly realized the future I’d spent decades dreaming about might never happen.
My friends tell me to travel without him, but that makes me sad, too. I didn’t spend 38 years building a life with someone just to spend our golden years living separate ones.
I love my husband, and I know he loves me. But lately, I can’t help wondering whether we’ve reached the finish line only to discover we’re heading in completely different directions.
Am I being selfish for wanting more out of retirement? Or is he being selfish for expecting me to be content with the life he wants? -- Retired but Not Ready to Sit Still
Dear Retired: You are both entitled to your needs being met in retirement. If he wants to sit on a rocking chair and stay home and you want a passport full of stamps, then each of you can do just that. Your husband has earned the right to slow down, and you’ve earned the right to explore. But marriage doesn’t mean one person’s dreams should come at the expense of the other’s.
Have a conversation with your husband that what hurts isn’t his reluctance to travel, but the thought of missing out on making new memories together. Ask him to meet you halfway. Perhaps one trip a year together, and then a few girls trips.
Don’t feel guilty about going without him. Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to share every experience.
Remember, retirement isn’t the end of your story. It’s the beginning of a new chapter. You can love your husband, respect his choices and still make the most of your own life.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM