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Dear Annie: My husband and I are empty nesters, and we’ve begun the very slow process of downsizing our home. I wasn’t expecting it to be so emotional. Going through decades of family memories has been harder than I imagined. I just can’t believe how quickly time goes by.
I admit I’m a bit of a hoarder when it comes to my kids. I still have their elementary school art projects, their Halloween costumes, baby clothes and more photographs than you could imagine. Some of it obviously needs to go, but some of it I can’t bear to part with.
I don’t have room to keep it all. I’d hoped each of my three children would take what belongs to them. In my mind, who wouldn’t want a box of childhood memories? But each has told me they have no use for it and no space to store it, which breaks my heart a little. I’m not sure whether to keep pushing, find a way to take it all with me or let it go. — Getting Sentimental
Dear Getting Sentimental: Reminiscing about your children would make anyone misty; wanting to keep it all is not a flaw. The solution doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Choose a firm number of keepsakes -- maybe five per child -- and let only the best costumes and finger paintings make the cut. Photograph the rest before it goes. If you want, you can make a photo album or a scrapbook you can actually enjoy.
Clearing out the old stuff will make room in your home for new memories.
Dear Annie: Our grandson and his wife have been trying to conceive for 10 years, and they’re now in the middle of the adoption process.
Her sister-in-law recently held an adoption baby shower for them. I was invited to attend, but I live 2,000 miles away. While I’m thrilled they will soon be getting a child, they have no idea the age or gender of the child. She went online and registered for everything under the moon and beyond for a newborn. Needless to say, I didn’t attend the shower, not only because of the distance involved but because they may not receive a newborn. I did send a nice, generic gift.
Was this shower a bit out of line and premature, or am I just being sensible or old-fashioned? What is the proper etiquette for these types of showers these days? -- Expecting Great-Grandma
Dear Expecting Great-Grandma: There’s no hard-and-fast rule about when to hold an adoption shower. Some families celebrate beforehand, while others wait until the child is home. Neither approach is wrong, and the etiquette remains the same: It’s the thought that counts.
You were kind to send a gift, and I doubt anyone expected you to travel 2,000 miles to attend in person. As for all those newborn items on the registry, your grandson and his wife may know more about the adoption than they’ve shared.
Focus less on whether the shower was premature and more on the happy reason behind it. After 10 years of hoping for a child, who can blame them for being excited? The best gift you can give them now is your love and support.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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