With my youngest turning 21 in October and the three years of living alone coming up in November; my “nest” has been empty, for the most part for way too long. It’s expected that your kids grow up and leave to go on their own adventures. My oldest, Hannah, moved to Kalamazoo in June to to start her next chapter in life, using her creative writing degree to not only continue writing and editing for online magazines, but also to work for a large church as their media expert. I recently visited her, and although I’m not a fan of the city in general, I’m happy that she’s spreading her wings and trying new things. I’m a firm believer that you must leave home to appreciate where you came from, or to acknowledge that you need a bigger stage to become the best you. My middle got engaged and we are smack dab in the middle of planning the event from locations, who’s sitting at what table, and even down to what the father-daughter dance will be; that won’t be shared until after the blessed day. I was fortunate, in unfortunate circumstances, to have Briana home during my empty nest time due to EMU shutting down in 2020; those months meant a lot to me and helped ease the time alone during lockdown. Bethany is adulting better then I ever could have imagined at her age. I most certainly didn’t have it even remotely together at 21, let alone being a homeowner like her. Adding to this is that I haven’t found the “one,” (after three divorces should I even be looking is what I get from others), but I’ve had my alone time, time to heal, and time to grieve. I’m thankful that sometimes being cut off by those you care about does help you heal and move on. So how do you refill the nest?

The nest was emptied in 2018 and the move to Harbor Springs/Petoskey with my then spouse made the transition a little easier. I was closer to EMU to visit Briana, closer to my nephew’s family, and excited to have a new life in a new place. By November I was working in a position I could have never dreamed of coming from the UP, and just learning to live alone. By April of 2019 I was looking at figuring out the best way to help my mom who was rehabbing a hip in a nursing home and was driving north frequently to visit, that combined with working three jobs kept the depression of the empty nest at bay. Once moving home in July of 2019 I was around family again, and friends, I may have gone home alone at night but wasn’t “alone.” The following year I moved yet again to finish rehabbing a house and then this past April moved to Chassell where I literally filled my nest with five chickens and a couple of ducks, and a bunny to boot!

In these past three years many people from my personal history are now passed on, from cancer, COVID, suicide and “other.” What those deaths taught me is that even though my personal nest is still empty, my community nest is there. I just need to reach out to my friends and family and simply get in my van and drive.

I know my story isn’t over and there’s many more nests/homes in my future. I hope everyone has a great Halloween and stays safe.

Brian Foreman has written Family Matters for the Gazette since 2006, lives in Hancock, is a father to three daughters, and is an Organizational Psychologist. He can be reached at foremanbrian4@gmail.com.