Dear Annie: I met my husband three years ago, about eight months after he lost his first wife of 20 years. Their marriage was often toxic, and she was very abusive toward him. After she passed, he was ready to move on.

Right away, I knew something wasn’t right with my husband. In his mid-50s, he was having short-term memory issues, falling frequently and struggling with his mental health. After seeing his health care provider and enrolling in the Veterans Affairs health care system, we discovered he had suffered multiple traumatic brain injuries during his time in the Army. That diagnosis led to him becoming a 100% service-connected disabled veteran and allowed him to receive the care he needed for a better quality of life.

His family, however, waged a war against me for helping him, accusing me of manipulating and “brainwashing” him. My husband has distanced himself from them, and we’re no longer on speaking terms. My husband has a lot of anger toward them as he suffered for decades without their help or support.

His parents, who live in another state, are elderly and in poor health. I fear that if he doesn’t reconcile with them before they pass, he will resent me. I love my husband with all my heart, and this has been a hard road. I just want the very best for him, unconditionally. Any advice? — Wife on the Defensive

Dear Wife on the Defensive: You’ve been an incredible source of support for your husband. You recognized he was suffering and helped him get the care he so clearly needed. That’s not brainwashing; that’s being a spouse through good and bad, in sickness and in health.

It’s understandable to worry he might one day regret cutting ties with his parents, but reconciliation isn’t something you can or should force. That decision is up to your husband. If he ever expresses interest in reaching out to them again, support him gently. If not, trust that he’s made peace with that choice and knows what’s best for him, even if it’s painful.

Dear Annie: I have a friend who was diagnosed with lymphoma. She’s undergone treatment and is now in remission. Although her cancer is hereditary, she refuses to tell her adult children. She tells people she only has five years to live and uses that to manipulate family and friends to get what she wants.

She has changed, or at least I’ve started to see another side of her — one that constantly puts me down, uses me to complain about everyone and believes she is always right. It got to the point that I cringed every time she called. I lost nine cousins in a year, which really hurt. When I tried to tell her how sad I was, she just ignored me and changed the subject back to her.

I finally got to the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore, and to keep my sanity and get my self-esteem back, I cut her out of my life. Am I wrong to feel this way? — Exhausted by Her Cancer Card

Dear Exhausted: It sounds like you stood by your friend through a lot, and it certainly couldn’t have been easy for her to face that diagnosis and all that came with it. But being sick isn’t an excuse to be mean.

You didn’t cut ties because your friend had cancer; you stepped back because she wasn’t reciprocating the support and respect you were giving to her. Add to it that you were trying to navigate your own losses and grief, and still trying to hold space for her. At a certain point, we all reach our limit.

Walking away from a one-sided, draining relationship isn’t wrong. You were in survival mode, and you did what it took to protect your peace.

Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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