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Dear Annie: I’m a 31-year-old woman and have managed a small business for four years. I’m stern but fair, very capable and very attractive. I’ve dealt successfully with skepticism and flirtation, and I have always maintained my dignity and friendliness. A few days ago, however, I had an experience that severely shook me.
From my office, I heard some employees arrive at quarter to 9. Humiliating as it felt, I had to “mmphff” as loudly as I could to get their attention. I’d arrived at the office three hours earlier to do some work and was accosted by robbers. They made me open our safe and left me very tightly bound, gagged and hogtied face down on the floor. I spent the next three hours struggling, desperately trying to avoid being seen in this embarrassing condition.
I could barely lift my head, but I heard a number of my staff open the door, oohing and gasping as they rushed toward me. My secretary reached me first and began trying to pull the gag from my mouth. Others started working on the various knots (I’d been bound with five or six strips of cord).
My plan had been to jump up after I was free to demonstrate my resilience, but I was just too tired. After working on those knots for a while, I could finally stretch out, and they helped me to a chair. When this embarrassing ordeal was finally over, I walked a bit and could only manage a “Thanks, guys,” as I sat down and tried not to cry. It was just so humiliating to have my staff see me in such an undignified condition.
I’m obsessed that whenever they look at or think of me now, they’ll picture me helplessly tied up on the floor. I just want to disappear forever. I’m so embarrassed, and I really feel like quitting and hiding in my house forever. I’m very depressed, and if it weren’t for my loving husband, I’d be a complete basket case.
Annie, do you think I’ll get over this? Can I do anything to put this behind me? -- Tightly Bound
Dear Tightly Bound: I’m so sorry you went through such a frightening ordeal. It happened only days ago, so be gentle with yourself. You can’t expect to bounce back overnight.
If you haven’t reported the robbery to the police or received medical attention yet, please do. I strongly encourage you to speak with a therapist, too. What you went through was terrifying, and you shouldn’t have to work through it alone.
As for your employees, I imagine they felt nothing but fear for you and relief that you were alive. Don’t confuse being helpless in a dangerous situation with being weak. You were the victim of a crime, and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
You’ve spent years proving yourself as a capable leader. One awful morning doesn’t erase any of that. You asked whether you’ll get past this. I believe you can, but you don’t have to hide your pain to prove how strong you are.
“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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