Build the wall back better

To the editor:

This wall thing has dragged on way too long. So I’ve decided as a good citizen to step up to the plate, grab the bull by the horns, and put the pedal to the metal. (Metaphors were made to be mixed,)

We need to “re-imagine” the whole wall thing. Because in reality … we don’t need a wall to protect us from the world. We need a wall to protect the world from us! Indeed, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has used the word “garbage” to describe the socioeconomic system of the United States. It’s time we take her at her word. After all, various and sundry college professors, television talking heads, and other really smart people have agreed with AOC that this country is the absolute pits.

In fact, it’s apparently the cruelest, meanest, nastiest, greediest country in history. Also the most racist, sexist, misogynist, Islamophobic, homophobic, transphobic, testosterone-poisoned, slave-owning, gun-toting, planet-trashing, cow-farting, carbon-spewing, flag-waving, Big-Mac-eating, pickup-driving, plastic-straw-sucking country in the world. (Did I forget anything?)

Oh yeah, I’m pretty sure most of us sing off key too, and can’t keep “there,” “they’re,” and “their” straight. If we can’t even do those things, clearly we have no business trying to improve the world.

The root causes of our many deficiencies are (we are told) whiteness, capitalism, and testosterone. We could just drop a big one on Kansas City, of course (if China doesn’t beat us to it), but that might wipe out too many innocent socialist transgenders of color along with all the expendable white male capitalists. So, rather than eliminating the “problem,” we’ll probably have to settle for containment.

That’s where the wall comes in. We must cage the raging testosterone-beast. We must quarantine the capitalist virus. We must shield the unsuspecting eyes of the world from our raw, glaring whiteness.

Only by severely socially distancing ourselves from everyone else, can we save millions of deluded people with black/brown/yellow skin, female hormones, and socialist economies from themselves. Because, for some strange reason, many of them think things will be better here than where they are. But of course, we know they are wrong.

When they come here, that just makes it easier for all the sadistic white male capitalists to abuse and exploit the naive newcomers–and to do it up close and personal.

Ergo, the only humane thing to do is….build the wall back better!


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