Hats Off! Used Book Sale & Pie Social a Success

On behalf of the First United Methodist Church in Hancock, thank you to everyone who donated quality used books to our 15th Annual Used Book Sale and the more than 300 people who attended and purchased books. Sale proceeds of over $2,000 will go toward a stained glass restoration consultation. We also thank everyone who made our Pie Social, held in conjunction with the book sale, a huge success. In response to selling out of homemade pie earlier than expected, plans are underway to have even more homemade pies available at next year’s event.

Sincerely,

Jan Woodbeck

Used Book Sale Co-coordinator

Hancock

Hold Bergman accountable

Dear Editor,

On Friday, May 8, 2026, the Detroit News reported that our congressman for District 1, Jack Bergman, has been accused of helping his chief of staff structure his taxpayer-funded salary in a highly unusual way that shields his political consulting side business from lawfully required disclosures and limits on outside income. According to the News, Congressman Bergman used lump sum payments to raise his staff member’s salary in order to thwart the disclosures.

The explanation by the staffer that “he isn’t abnormal on Capitol Hill” because other staffers do it too isn’t acceptable. That Bergman knowingly participated in the scheme suggests that maybe he doesn’t think the rules apply to him and maybe he isn’t a good steward of our tax dollars.

It certainly fits with the current chief executive’s many ethics violations showing no regard for the cost to taxpayers. The administration has already spent a shocking amount of money from the US Treasury on, among other things, refurbishing an airplane gifted by Qatar, an unauthorized arch and ballroom, an extremely overpriced no bid contract for repainting the reflecting pool on the Mall, demolishing the east wing of the White House without authority, an unauthorized war with Iran costing billions, and the latest: a settlement agreement with the IRS to a bogus lawsuit for leaking partial tax returns, something all previous presidents have disclosed willingly. The $1.7 billion may go to Jan. 6 criminal perpetrators, election deniers, and others “chosen” for this illegal windfall. This is our tax money being wasted! And these are just a few examples!

Maybe Congressman Bergman doesn’t fight the administration’s corruption because he agrees that it’s okay? We certainly haven’t heard him speak out against it, even though the Constitution explicitly directs Congress to be in charge of these funds, not the executive.

We need someone in Congress who will watch over our District 1 tax dollars, not allow them to be taken away from ordinary people who need food, fuel, housing, jobs, and healthcare. November 3rd can’t come soon enough to vote for a new representative. Make sure you do your part.

Debra Carmichael,

Oscoda

Breaking News (fictional satire)

Editor:

Rocking Chair News Service (LLC) has just published a report that over the last few weeks hundreds of thousands of Fundamentalist Christians have left the faith. Many have become Deists (i.e., they accept a God that created the universe, but this God is no longer involved with it) and have joined Unitarian churches.

When reporters queried some of the apostates, they were somewhat vague as to the reason for their departure. When asked about the recent discovery in the Holy Land of some interesting drawings, perhaps of Jesus, the abandoners claimed that they haven’t seen them.

The reporter was referring to very well-preserved scrolls found in a previously unknown cave dating to the first century containing several drawings that were purportedly of Jesus. These portraits do not resemble the currant paintings of Jesus where he is a handsome, light-haired Nordic type with hair down to the shoulder. (c.f. 1 Corinthians 11:14: Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him?)

In actuality, these purported images of Jesus bear a striking resemblance to Yasser Arafat (1929-2004), a Palestinian political leader who was chairman of the Palestine Liberation Organization from 1969 to 2004.

Immediately, some religious Hindus from India claimed that the resemblance illustrates the proof of reincarnation, while some Muslims claim that Arafat was actually Jesus who returned as predicted in the Christian Scriptures. Why Arafat (er, Jesus) left the earth again in 2004 is a mystery not fully explained.

However, the Fundamentalists dismissed all this out-of-hand.

So, the nature of the rapidly shrinking membership (approaching 90%) in Fundamentalist Christian churches remains a puzzlement. Hmm.

Post Script: Thousands of fundamentalist pastors have had to close their churches and can now be found working at many of the fast-food restaurants around the country. Praise the Lord.

David M. Keranen

Bakersfield CA

Editor’s note: The above letter is an obvious work of fiction intended only as satire