Reacting to mother’s dementia
Dear Annie: I just wanted to say thank you for keeping an open mind.
I’ve noticed that, on different occasions, readers sometimes challenge you or want to “add to” some of your answers based on their education or personal experiences.
You are willing to keep an open mind and welcome the input. For that, I say, BRAVO!
Of course, not all of the input is valid, and some is downright silly, but for the most part, it is good advice and, along with your answers, helps me step out of my comfort zone and rethink issues I can apply to my own life.
Great job! Keep up the good work! — Very Impressed in New Mexico
Dear New Mexico: Thank you from the bottom of my heart. When anyone, including advice columnists, thinks they have all the answers, run a hundred miles. We are all doing the best we can, but being infallible is neither promised nor expected — nor is it possible.
Dear Annie: I read with loving interest the letter from “Grieving Father” on the loss of his son. His suggestions were spot on. I would like to offer him my prayers during this very hard time, as I lost my daughter six years ago.
Family I do not have; they are with our Lord also. My memories are my therapy, and I also get counseling, which helps.
Keep strong in your faith, and remember your son always with a smile on your face. My very best to you and yours. — Very Grieving Mom
Dear Grieving Mom: Thank you for addressing the grieving father. There is life as you knew it before you lost a child and life after. The life after is forever altered. It is my hope that, as a community, we continue to help those who are grieving or suffering and show them kindness, empathy and love.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for a long time, and he is a great guy. However, when it comes to my 80-year-old mom, it’s another story.
Mom has dementia and says many things that are incorrect or confusing. My husband constantly corrects her in a condescending way. I know he does love her, but this makes for very uncomfortable situations.
Please offer some guidance. — Frustrated Peacemaker
Dear Frustrated Peacemaker: Sometimes people react rudely or impatiently when they are scared. If your husband truly loves your mom, maybe he has a lot of sad and scared feelings about her dementia and does not know how to properly deal with those feelings. Point this out to him, and ask him to be kind to her — right or wrong — when she gets things confused.
If he continues to be short with your mother, well, then maybe he is just a louse and you have to keep him away from your mother until he learns how to treat people kindly. You might want to seek professional counseling or join a support group for those living with people who have dementia.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.