Dr. Shahar Madjar

In medical school, I envied Leon, a student for whom studying anatomy came easily. I wanted to know anatomy, not only because I felt it was the key for everything medical, but also because I wanted to win the undeclared competition with Leon.

Years later, I ran into Leon in a mall in Tel Aviv. He didn’t remember who I was. I reminded him. He still didn’t remember. He seemed remote and distracted, his hair thinning. By that time, I was a practicing urologist in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, while he had never pursued a career in clinical medicine. Instead, he became a research scientist, studying the mysteries of brain physiology in a prestigious lab in Jerusalem.

I realized what I perceived as competition was an entirely different situation: Leon and I lived in parallel universes.

My competitiveness made me a better student, but it was entirely misplaced.

I now understand the drive to compete, and win is a primal force of nature with opposing outcomes. At once, it is a source of energy and stamina that helps focus attention, a force that pushes us to learn and to create. However, if this raw force is followed untamed, it can lead to self-destruction.

Watch the daily news, or review the history of the world, and recognize individuals drop from positions of power to disgrace, and empires reduced to rubble. These are examples of unchecked driving forces and untamed ambitions. Loss, isolation and misery follow.

How can one reconcile the opposing potentials of competition? Here are some points to consider:

1. Open a window: Investigate the horizon for inspiration. Identify people whose achievements you appreciate and ask yourself: What made these people great? Can you emulate aspects of their mental processes and work habits? Can you be inspired by their wisdom and kindness?

2. Look in the mirror: Look in the mirror and calculate your abilities and possibilities. It’s time for a reality check. Despite what your mother might have said, you can’t be successful in everything. Suppose you aspire to be a pop-star, with Taylor Swift as your competition. But as you look at yourself in the mirror, (while singing aloud) you recognize you lack the moves, you are tone-deaf, and you can’t write winning pop songs because you didn’t abandon enough ex-boyfriends to break your heart. While you can’t be good at everything, you can certainly be very good at something!

The mission is to identify what that is and work hard. It helps if you enjoy what you do, but here is a secret: if you are good at something, it’s likely people will notice, you will rake in benefits, and guess what? You will enjoy it. Also, focus on the task at hand, one step at a time, and don’t try to outperform others as if to win. Instead, aim at doing the best you can do. Put in time and effort into a field with respect to your talent, you will be okay. Rather than focusing on yourself, focus on others. Ask: ‘How can I help you?’ with genuine curiosity and true motivation to help others. Make the life of others easier, healthier, happier. There is great satisfaction in a job well done, and rewards in making others happier.

3. Open a door: Open your door, invite others in, and share what you have learned. Also, open the door to the outside world and join others so you can learn from their experience. Expand the circle of people around you to include those seen as your competitors. Instead of competing, collaborate.

4. Competition is a choice: At any level and any circumstance, you have the option of opting out of the competition. Reassess the perception of a situation and focus on the tasks rather than rankings. Choose a profession or a role that is more collaborative than competitive, and change the circumstance of your working environment. Remember: although competition is an instinct, it’s also a choice, a force you can recognize, a force that can be tamed.

Dr. Shahar Madjar is a member of Aspirus Medical Group based out of Laurium. He specializes in urology.