Dear Annie: My husband and I have two kids under 5, and we both work full-time. As you can imagine, our lives are pretty hectic. My mother-in-law lives about 30 minutes away and expects us to visit her almost every weekend. If we don’t, she lays on the guilt pretty thick — talking about how she “never sees the kids” or implying we don’t value family.

The truth is, we’re just exhausted. Weekends are the only time we get to catch up on rest, housework or just quality time together as a family without having to entertain. We’ve tried inviting her to our house instead, but she always declines and insists we come to her.

I know she means well, and we want her to have a relationship with the kids, but I’m starting to dread the constant pressure. How can we set firmer boundaries without starting a bigger family conflict? — Tired But Trying

Dear Tired But Trying: If she’s only willing to see you on her terms, you’re under no obligation to accommodate her. You’ve already opened up your home — quite generously, I might add, given how cherished your weekends must be — and she declined.

Instead of enduring her guilt trips every weekend, how about setting a standing date — say, the first Saturday of every month — where you go over to her house with the kids? Let her know that you’d love to see her more, but given your hectic schedule, additional visits will have to be at your place.

Dear Annie: Out of the blue, my daughter told me she bought a house in Connecticut and will be moving there from New Jersey. She insists the two-hour drive isn’t far, but I feel hurt and blindsided that she didn’t let me know about this until she’d already bought the house and was getting ready to sell her New Jersey home.

Her mother-in-law helped her financially with the move, which is great, but now she’ll live just 30 minutes from her in-laws while I’m two hours away. I feel betrayed having been kept in the dark. I’m also 65, live on my own and have a very, very sick dog. I don’t know how long the dog will live, but for now, traveling two hours one way just isn’t an option.

I’m very hurt by what she did and I’m trying to get past it. She used to live just 30 minutes from me, and now she’ll be just as close to her mother-in-law, who helped her buy the house. I’ve actually had to go on antidepressants because of this. Thankfully, my son and his fiancee live a mile away, so that’s a blessing. But I feel like the mother-in-law pulled a fast one as she has her daughter, her daughter’s family and now her son and his family so close to her.

Please give me some advice to help me get through this. — Left Out in New Jersey

Dear Left Out: What hurts most isn’t that your daughter chose to move; it’s that she made a major life decision without including you in it. While I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you, it’s understandable why you feel blindsided and even a little rejected with her now being closer to her in-laws.

Instead of seeing this as a competition between “you” versus “them,” focus on what you can do to maintain the relationship and stay connected with your daughter despite this newfound distance. Let her know you wish you’d been kept in the loop and then together, figure out ways to bridge the gap, whether that’s weekly calls or visits every few months when she’s able to make it down to you. Don’t let this change overshadow the support you still have. Your son and his fiancee are nearby, which is, as you said, a blessing.

Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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