Dear Annie: When my husband and I first got married, he made it clear that his mother would always be welcome to visit whenever she wanted since she lives far away. Over the years, she has come three or four times annually, often staying for a week at a time. She is generally helpful around the house, and we sometimes spend holidays with her, depending on when her visits fall. Because my husband has a disabling medical condition that makes travel difficult, we always celebrate holidays at our home, and my parents, who live nearby, often join us.

Recently, my husband finally received a proper diagnosis and treatment plan. While this is encouraging, the treatment comes with strict requirements. For the foreseeable future, he must avoid entering any building that has ever sustained water damage. Since we live in an area where most older buildings have this issue, we built a new home specifically to keep him safe during treatment. To prevent cross-contamination, even visitors cannot enter our home unless their clothes and belongings are free from exposure to water-damaged buildings.

This year, my mother-in-law has invited herself for Thanksgiving. I believe she intends to stay in her camper or in our old house on the property, which is fine. What worries me is her attitude about the holiday. During her last visit, she spoke as though she imagined Thanksgiving happening without my husband at the table — her, my father-in-law, me and the children celebrating inside while my husband waves from the window. She typically likes to take charge of holiday meals, but my husband has already spent years being left out of family events because of his illness. I cannot bear the thought of him being excluded yet again, especially on a holiday centered around family togetherness.

I would be open to having dinner outdoors so everyone can share the meal, but in our area, the weather is usually too cold to make that comfortable. I am struggling with how to tell my mother-in-law that I will not allow my children or myself to celebrate Thanksgiving without my husband. I appreciate her help and want to preserve our relationship, but I also know firsthand how deeply my husband suffers from the isolation his illness causes. It is important to me that he is included, not left out on the holiday that means so much to him.

How can I make my position clear to my mother-in-law without causing irreparable hurt feelings? — Trying to be supportive

Dear Trying: Including your husband in Thanksgiving is the right thing to do, especially given all that he has endured. Holidays are about inclusiveness and being together as a family. Be honest with your mother-in-law, and kindly but firmly explain that your family will be celebrating as a unit. If she cannot join under those conditions, then she will have to make other plans. Protecting your husband’s well-being, and making sure he feels included, come first.

Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.COPYRIGHT 2025 CREATORS.COM