Dear Annie: I’m struggling with something that has left me feeling deeply hurt and confused. My older sister, who is 39, has been spending a lot of time with my ex-husband. He and I are still close friends. We have a warm, platonic relationship and co-parent well. I’m not upset about their friendship. What hurts is that my sister has never shown that same closeness to me.

Over the years, I’ve tried again and again to build a stronger relationship with her. I’ve invited her to lunch, organized family get-togethers and reached out just to talk. But she never seemed interested. When I finally told her how left out and replaced I felt, she became defensive and angry. She told me I was wrong, even though I could point to clear examples that showed otherwise.

This wasn’t the first time I’d tried to talk to her about it, but this time, she pulled away even more. Since then, it feels like she’s downgraded our relationship to something barely more than acquaintances.

My younger sister, who is 33, initially told me she understood how I felt. But after she spoke with our older sister, she took her side. The truth is, I’ve had similar issues with her, too. The two of them have always been close, and I’ve often felt like the outsider looking in. When I tried to explain how much their distance hurts me, my younger sister said I should stop giving energy to people who don’t reciprocate. Hearing that broke my heart. I wasn’t asking for new friends. I just wanted a deeper connection with the family I already have.

My older sister is currently going through a divorce, and I understand she needs support. I don’t believe there’s anything romantic between her and my ex-husband. But watching them spend time together — when she’s never made that kind of time for me — makes me feel invisible.

I’ve been in therapy for 15 years and have done a lot of self-reflection. I’ve joined book clubs and hiking groups to meet people, but making close friends has always been hard for me. My sisters were supposed to be my constants. I’ve always been there for them whenever they needed me.

Now I find myself wondering if I need to accept that they don’t want a real relationship with me and let go. Or is there still something I can do to repair things without losing more of myself in the process? — Left Out Sister

Dear Left Out: I can feel how much this hurts. You’ve tried for years to build a real relationship with your sisters, and instead of meeting you halfway, they’ve closed ranks. That kind of rejection, especially from family, cuts deep.

But sometimes rejection really is God’s protection or redirection. When people shut you out, it may be life’s way of guiding you toward places and people who will truly value your heart. You can’t make your sisters see your worth, but you can stop handing them the power to define it.

Keep your heart open, but protect it. Continue being kind, but stop chasing people who don’t meet you with the same care. Peace often comes not from repairing every bond but from releasing the ones that refuse to grow.

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