Dear Annie: We have one son who is married and has two beautiful children. At Christmas time, I go all out to make sure that I gift the grands things I know they will enjoy and appreciate.

We also exchange gifts with my son and daughter-in-law. This past year, it was an Omaha Steaks assortment, which I know they love to receive. In addition, I brought my daughter-in-law a bottle of her favorite wine and my son an assortment of craft beer along with their favorite Christmas candies. My husband received his gift from our son, an expensive watch engraved with a very sweet and personal message. I was then given my gift — a candle from the local shop. My son then informed me out of earshot of his dad that he also ordered him a WWII replica rifle.

To say I was hurt and humiliated doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings. I accepted my gift graciously and with thanks, but I was crying inside.

I couldn’t get out of there fast enough and cried all the way home. My husband was so surprised by the events that he didn’t know what to say to comfort me. I didn’t want him to feel guilty about his gifts, so I put on my big girl panties and let it go. I did put the candle on a shelf hidden from sight and any reminder of the hurt I felt. Now, months later, it still stings.

My question is this: Do I forgo any gifts at all to my son and his wife in future? Do I put my husband in charge of the planning and purchasing of gifts for them? Do I broach the subject with them of perhaps not doing a gift exchange at all? I honestly don’t want to have to deal with that hurt again. — Hurt and Wondering

Dear Hurt and Wondering: Gifts carry meaning, and when the effort feels uneven, the sting is real.

That said, silent punishment isn’t the answer. Forgoing gifts or quietly pulling back without explanation may protect you short-term, but it breeds long-term resentment — and confusion. The healthiest option is a calm, private conversation with your son. Simply say, “I don’t need expensive gifts, but I felt overlooked this year.”

Silence may feel polite, but clarity is kinder in the long run.

Dear Annie: I’m a woman in my early 60s, and I’ve always been the “reliable one” in my family — the organizer, the listener, the helper. I host most holidays, remember all the birthdays and check in when someone is sick or struggling.

I don’t mind doing these things, but it bothers me how rarely that care is returned. When I had a minor surgery last year, no one offered to help or even called to check in. When I mention feeling tired or overwhelmed at the prospect of hosting yet another family function, the subject quickly changes. At gatherings, I’m busy cooking and cleaning while everyone else relaxes.

No one is unkind. They’re pleasant, appreciative in passing and clearly comfortable letting me handle things.

I don’t want applause or constant attention. I just want to feel appreciated. How do I ask for more care without sounding needy or dramatic? — Tired

Dear Tired: When you do everything without complaint, others assume you don’t need anything. They’re wrong, of course, but they won’t discover that unless you change the pattern.

This doesn’t require anything dramatic. Simply take a step back. Let someone else host. Say, “I could use some help,” and mean it. Being kind does not obligate you to be endlessly giving. If a relationship depends on you always being the strong one, it’s overdue for rebalancing.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM