Dear Annie: My husband and I are in a painful disagreement about our children’s education. He went to boarding school as a teenager and says it was one of the best things that ever happened to him. He talks about the independence, friendships, the sports, the teachers and the confidence it gave him.

I did not go to boarding school. I grew up coming home every day to my parents, eating dinner at our kitchen table and being part of the ordinary rhythm of family life. To me, sending our children away at 14 or 15 feels heartbreaking. I know boarding school can be wonderful for some kids, but I cannot get past the idea of missing the little everyday moments that make a family a family.

Our oldest is entering high school soon, and my husband has started pushing hard for applications. He says I am being emotional and overprotective. I think he is romanticizing his own experience and forgetting that our children are not little versions of him.

The worst part is that our child is caught in the middle. Some days she seems excited by the idea. Other days she says she does not want to leave home. My husband hears only the excitement. I hear only the hesitation.

How do two parents make a decision this big when one sees boarding school as a gift and the other sees it as a loss? — Not Ready to Let Go

Dear Not Ready: Boarding school can be a wonderful gift. It can also be the wrong fit. The key word here is child.

Your husband is remembering his own story, while you are imagining your own loss. Both feelings are real, but neither should decide this alone.

This is not a vote on his childhood. It is not proof that you are too attached. It is a decision about this child, at this age, with this personality and these needs.

Visit schools together. Talk to current parents. Ask hard questions. How do they handle homesickness? What support is there for mental health? How often do students come home? What are weekends really like?

Then listen to your child. Do not sell either side. Ask, “What excites you?” Ask, “What scares you?” Then be quiet long enough to hear the answer.

Your husband may be right. Boarding school may help your child grow. You may be right, too. Staying home might be what your child needs now.

The answer is not in either parent’s past — but in your child’s present.

And remember, this is not all or nothing. You can apply and decide later. You can look at day schools. You can revisit boarding in a year.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM